“There is a problem in our marriage”, “He does not understand me at all”, “I cannot fully express myself to him”, “It was not like this before, my wife has changed a lot now. "He doesn't show any interest, he always blames me" "I think there are others in his life, I can't stand it" "Couples come to the therapy room with sentences like "I want to break up, I'm putting up with it for my children"...
Sometimes, by covering up the real problem; They apply to us with depression, psychosomatic complaints (such as headache, heart palpitations, feeling faint, etc.) or phobic reactions. Such problems that arise in couples actually started much earlier than when they were seen as problems. However, in various stages of the life cycle (marriage, birth of children, schooling of children, spouses' work-professional roles, structuring the future), couples could not see the "reasons" that prevented the relationship from working out because they focused on certain goals, or they could not see the "reasons" that prevented the relationship from working out, or even if they saw it, they did not notice it, and even if they noticed it, they believed that this would change after a while. They tried to convince me. One day, when sudden and major changes, difficulties or losses occur in this life cycle, couples begin to focus on "self-awareness", which they may have never done before, or sometimes think about or even experience. Moreover, if sexual dysfunctions (sexual reluctance, vaginismus, premature ejaculation, inability to orgasm) lie at the root of the problems experienced, the problems that have arisen in the relationship up to that point and can be dealt with suddenly become insurmountable.
When it comes to the solution point. In the past, family elders or outsiders would step in. However, traditional approaches and solution suggestions have become insufficient because if awareness cannot be raised with timely and correct interventions and the solutions are not functional, similar problems appear again and endanger the institution of marriage in a larger wave each time. Although
Most of the Turkish society asks "Am I crazy?" Even if they run away by saying "" and throw the responsibility to the other party by not wanting to face the facts, couples need a professional Family and Marriage Therapist who can approach their problems objectively and bring a different perspective.
Most m Questions asked: How do therapists approach? What is happening in the therapy room?
The main point here is, is the problem that the couple brings to the therapy room really a problem? To whom is the problem a problem? Is it a product of internal conflicts? Or was the marriage founded on the wrong foundation from the very beginning? In order to get answers to all these, we first obtain the family genogram and then take the history of past experiences. We determine the important milestones in the establishment of marriage and measure how the relationship crises experienced so far have been overcome, that is, the crisis resolution skills of the couples. Then, we take the couples separately and accompany them on their inner journey using the mirror method, which will enable them to understand what is happening in their own world without judging or blaming the other party. In this way, they realize what their unmet needs are and what wrong thoughts, attitudes and behaviors they have. In order to speak the same language, we provide information in the therapy room and recommend appropriate resources that will contribute to cognitive changes. Then, we examine the solutions together, and by giving homework, we help reinforce the intellectual changes that occur in the therapy room by transferring them to behavior. In addition to these cognitive and behavioral therapy techniques, we also use various psychotherapy techniques to identify and solve other underlying problems.
My spouse does not want to participate, should we definitely come together?
If one of the spouses is unwilling to participate in the therapy program, Marriage counseling can be conducted with the other spouse. In this way, communication channels remain open between a spouse and the therapist, allowing the couple to intervene in resolving marital problems. But research shows that a couple's continued marriage counseling together is more effective in resolving marital problems than personal counseling from a single partner. Because, in addition to just listening to the events taking place at home, being able to observe the broken structures in the couple's communication and interaction during the sessions and to intervene in these disorders on the spot will increase the success of the therapy.
Let us not forget that our social happiness, well-being and security are dependent on a healthy family. It is possible with its structure. Healthy children grow up in healthy marriages, and healthy marriages consist of healthy individuals. I hope you notice the problems in your marriage before they turn into gangrene and look for solutions…..
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