THE PARENT WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING?
"We have been through those roads. We know!"
I was having a hard time choosing and determining the topic for this month's article, but the topic came up. found me Of course, in this article, I decided to discuss some sentences that I have been thinking about for a long time, that I hear often, and that, in my opinion, we pass from generation to generation like an infectious disease. As you can see from the title, the sentences mentioned are sentences that not only I have not been exposed to, but many of us have heard frequently and even used them without realizing it in the later stages of our lives. It's actually a vicious circle. No matter how much he complains, the individual realizes that he is saying the same thing to his children. It would be wrong to generalize by saying this is the case for everyone. However, we cannot deny the existence of such a transfer in our country.
Without further ado, what is the discourse in question and how does it affect interpersonal relationships, especially the parent-child relationship. Let's start examining...
''What I've seen and what I've experienced.''
''I've experienced the same things you've experienced.''
'I'm a human judge, I can tell who is what.'
"Now you feel like this, you think like this."
"If you had done what I said, this wouldn't have happened."
"If you listened to me, you would live without mistakes."
"Parents know everything. Do as we say!"
This list goes on and on. I'm sure you will add to this list as you read. The theme of all of them is essentially "We have been through those roads." We know! "Do What We Say". Dear friends, if we evaluate life through the metaphor of the road, we all set out on the road from birth. If we dive into the philosophy a little, we have no choice but to set out. It is an uncertainty that we do not know where the road ends. In fact, at the beginning, we do not know why or by whom. The only truth we know is that a man and a woman who set out on that path before us can set us off as a result of sexual intercourse. Of course, many different forms of belief explain this according to their own principles. If individuals adopt any form of belief, they can partially find answers to their questions. This short philosophical discussion If we return to our discourse after the point of view, everyone goes through some paths. In these ways, lives are lived differently due to the "uniqueness" of the individual.
The common mistake made by parents is to exhibit an overly controlling attitude and give advice so that their children do not make the same mistakes they made. Of course, most parents instinctively resort to this method to prevent their children from getting hurt or upset. However, this approach is perceived by the children as "Ugh, mom! Ugh, dad! Am I going to listen to you again?" It gives rise to reactions such as: This is exactly the point where you need to stop and think about why. Because the approach contains some basic deficiencies and inaccuracies.
The first problem is that you cannot satisfy your child's "need to be understood". Starting from your own experiences can only be seen as a didactic approach due to time and personality differences. However, human beings only want to be listened to and understood. At this point, my advice is to try to understand our child and keep our subjective experiences to ourselves and use them when necessary and when the other party requests it. Everyone's experience is important, meaningful and valuable in their own way. In short, everyone has their own experience. Secondly, you do not leave room for the person to experience, which directly means inhibiting the person's development and preventing him from learning. It also shackles one's creativity and spontaneity. The most important thing that parents should do, which I always advocate, is; It is necessary for them to prepare their children to live as adults, independent and responsible individuals.
To sum up, we can say that in the statements I mentioned, the person tries to satisfy himself as soon as he says it, but cannot have a positive impact on the other party. Everyone wants to feel that the life they live is valuable and valued by others. The reason for using these words often stems from the person's need to feel valuable and, as we mentioned above, the instinct of protection. I end my article by saying that although I do not tell anyone "say this, don't say that", you can pay attention to why you say what you say and how it affects the other party.
Best regards...
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