Parents are seen as the most important role models during childhood. Adolescence is the period when we begin to see our parents not as savior heroes, but as normal people with mistakes and limits. Maybe seeing our parents in this way is a door for us to separate from them and open up to the outside world. Inspired by a book I read, Mark Twain states: “When I was fourteen years old, my father was such an ignorant person that I could not bear to have him around. But when I turned twenty-one, I was amazed at how much our old man had learned in seven years.” A form of getting away from the current situation is always the main way to create a new and self-experience. The search for novelty is part of moving away. It is a natural situation. Since adolescence is full of many new ideas, seeking innovation, gaining experience with the spirit of adventure is beneficial as it creates behaviors, perceptions, thoughts, ideas, intentions and beliefs. I should point out that it would be more helpful for us to start seeing adolescence as an important part of our personal lives, rather than thinking of it as a simple maturation process in terms of brain development, as the abandonment of useless thoughts and transition to adult maturity. Adolescence is not just a process that needs to be experienced, but also a period in which life should be evaluated well.
According to many scientific views that are developing day by day, the change that occurs in the adolescent brain should not only be known as "the transition from pre-maturity to maturity", but also as developmental changes that are the vital effect that enables the emergence of certain new abilities and gains (Sıegel. ,J.2019).
The most important thing in this period is healthy communication. The definitive rule is to reinforce and support every positive behavior; not to dwell on negative behaviors. Setting clear boundaries serves as a bridge in strengthening the relationship between parent and child. For example, instead of coming home late in the evening, be home at 6 in the evening. It is a clearer expression. Why did you get low marks? What was the subject that challenged you in the "Instead of..." course? It is a more understanding, non-blaming approach towards our children. These situations are important for our children. What do we teach them? If we do, they will experience the reflection of what we give. It is a kind of mirror function. If we do not like the image shown in this mirror, we must change ourselves first. The child who comes from school and tells his parents in detail what happened during the day and how he went through the day may, after a while, lock himself in his room to isolate himself. He may want to stay in his room for hours. Families may be concerned about this issue. However, this may be the beginning of taking a step towards change. You can start by keeping up with change. As I mentioned before, this change is a process of manifesting itself not only physically, emotionally, behaviorally, but also academically and socially. The individual now begins to leave childhood and seek a new identity.
The communications established during this period are very important. If we constantly criticize, dislike anything he does, and if we do not trust him, we are faced with a child who constantly rebels and opposes us. we can stay. If these attitudes exist, it is useful to pay attention to what we say to ourselves first. If we learn to be consistent parents, our child will begin to behave correctly towards us. The best way to communicate healthily is to use I language. I language is always more important than you language. It will help us express emotions. Remember that; Anxiety is contagious. Parents need to be constructive in order to keep their anxiety under control. Listening to children's expectations about future goals, listening to the individual's ideas and helping them define their feelings, instead of imposing ideas that are believed to be right on them, strengthens mutual communication. Respecting the individual's private space is one of the important points in terms of healthy emotional development and healthy separation. It is important for emotional communication to spend time in one's own room rather than in the parent's room, to sleep in one's own bed, to ask for permission even when entering one's room, and to seek the individual's opinions on matters that concern the individual. These behaviors will be effective in increasing the individual's self-confidence, learning limits and establishing emotional communication.
Unconditional acceptance and positive communication are the most important building blocks of the relationship between the parent and the individual. With you under all circumstances It is not always better to make him/her feel like you are there, but to make him/her feel that you have confidence in what he/she can do and to show that you are on his/her side will also guide you. It all starts with discovering and getting to know your child. An individual who sees that he/she is loved not only when he/she is successful, but also when he/she fails or things do not go well, will have increased self-confidence and self-belief in his/her responsibilities. The individual who sees these will be on the path to becoming a happy and self-loving individual who will not have problems establishing healthy emotional bonds in his adult life. We must remember that our challenge is to see the power potential of a young brain and a developing adolescent brain as an asset, not as a burden. If there is a situation that needs to change, the change should first start with the parents. Your children are experiencing the natural processes of their development. There is nothing better than starting with ourselves. I would like to conclude my words with a beautiful quote from Mahatma Gandhi: "We must be the change we want to see in the world." Taking internal time for ourselves can be a way for us to do so. The ability to live in the moment will guide us in relaxing and strengthening our minds.
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