When experiencing love, it seems like it will last forever, but love ends at some point. The purpose of this article is to examine the pain of love from a psychoanalytical perspective.
Breakup is the loss or removal of an object to which we are deeply attached, a loved person, a value, or our physical integrity; Psychic pain is the pain caused by this separation and rupture. The simplest definition we can give to the pain of love is the emotion that occurs when the bond that connects us to the loving being is suddenly broken; It is the perception by the 'I' of the impulsive shock state that occurs when the bond that binds us with the person we choose is suddenly broken.
Psychic pain can also be the pain of abandonment we experience when a loved being suddenly deprives us of its love, or the pain of humiliation we feel when our soul is deeply wounded. In other words, they are the pain caused by the sudden and harsh separation of a loved object, an object that provides the harmony of our psychic world because we are attached to it in an intense and permanent way. Pain begins with a rupture, continues with the psychic shock triggered by the rupture, and ends with the defensive reaction of the 'I' against the shock.
Pain is added in psychoanalytic theory as an emotion that reflects to consciousness the extreme changes of tension, changes that escape the pleasure principle. . Normally, psychic functioning is governed by the pleasure principle, which regulates the intensity of impulse tensions and makes them bearable. However, if a sudden rupture occurs in a loved being, tensions are released and the pleasure principle ceases to function. So what we feel when we perceive the turmoil of uncontrollable tensions within ourselves is pain. The presence of the loved one protects the person from pain as his/her existence continues to pulse in harmony with mine. But it is enough for him to suddenly disappear and withdraw his love from the person for him to suffer more than he has ever suffered before.
The gap between the presence of the other in the person and his absence in real life is such an unbearable division that most of the time. We try to narrow this gap not by balancing our love, but by denying the other's absence, rebelling against the fact of lack, and denying that our loved one will no longer be here. Overinvestment in psychic pain centers on the representation of the lost being. it is heard. With this excessive investment, the person becomes overly emotional. If this process of withdrawing investment is not completed, the grief that the person experiences or even cannot experience may become chronic.
The loved one is undoubtedly a person, but it is ignored and thrown into the unconscious in ourselves, which will be destroyed first and especially when it disappears. It is our unconscious part. So when we separate from it, we don't just separate from it. So, what does this "thing" that we lose when we lose the existence of our loved one consist of?
Let's think about this person who seduces us and attracts us by awakening our desire. As time goes by, we become so attached to this person that we incorporate him into our own being and make him a part of ourselves. We call phantasy all these images and signifiers that feed on the explosion of desire and connect all that being seeded in our psychic world to the living existence of the loved one, transforming it into its twin within me.
Phantasy is the unconscious fusion of the subject with the living existence of the chosen one. , is the name given by psychoanalysts to the source point. The source point operating in this unconscious is an alloy of images and signifiers that comes to life with the real power of the desire that the lover awakens in me, and I in the beloved, and that binds us together.
We can only see the reality of the person we choose through the misleading magnifying glass of these fantasies. we see. We only look at it, touch it, and listen to it through a veil made of images born of the complex fusion between our own image and its image. This veil is also woven with unconscious symbolic designs that limit the framework of our love. The other's imaginary existence is more important than his external existence. This is the period that corresponds to the saying "love made you blind" among the people. Loving also means making the chosen one unique.
The importance of the external existence of the chosen one, as well as the imaginary existence of the chosen one, emerges from this; The concrete existence of the chosen one is a focus that spreads the stimulation that continues the desire, and at the same time, it is a living shadow formed in the unconscious and shapes the person's fantasies.
As a result, when we love someone, we become very close both outside and outside. We must know that we love a hybrid being that consists of a physical body as well as a fantasy and unconscious existence within us.
The self is like an inner mirror in which images of the parts of our bodies or the appearance of our loved one are reflected. If the image is based on the real thing of which it is a reflection, excessive investment in one of these images indicates love. Love is the unconscious fantasy existence of the loved one.
So where is this fantasy in our consciousness? Phantasy, in general, is an unconscious psychic building that arises from Him, a complex structure that rises invisibly in the space between two people and settles on a platform with the living bodies of the partners. This is where the pain arises. By losing the person we love, we lose one of the sources that nourish us, the object of our imaginary projections and the rhythm of our common desire. What is painful is not only the absence of the other, but also the effects of this absence on the person's self. In other words, as we mentioned above, it is the internal chaos that occurs and emerges when the fantasy loses its shape.
If we lose the existence of the chosen one, the fantasy collapses and the subject becomes a desire that has no fantasy to rely on, a desire that has lost its direction and has no axis. surrenders to its ultimate tension. Based on this, we can say that pain is the sudden and harsh encounter between the subject and his upset desire. When a loved one is lost, a person finds no direction to direct his desires. In other words, losing the love of the loved one means losing the central organizer of my psychic world.
When we summarize the causes of love pain from a psychoanalytical perspective, we see the following:
Pain arises from the loss of the existence of the loved one.
Pain arises from the collapse of the fantasy that connects me to the loved one.
Pain arises from the impulsive chaos He experiences following the collapse of the obstacle, that is, the fantasy.
Pain arises from the collapse of the fantasy that connects me to the loved one. p>
Pain results from the over-examination of one of the fragmentary images of the loved one.
Pain is an emotion, ultimately an emotion. It is a means of defense before insanity and death. Pain is like a final resurrection that confirms life and our power to pick ourselves back up. You can't die from pain, as long as there is pain, fight evil. It means we have the power necessary to survive and continue living.
*This article was prepared using Juan David Nasio's book The Pain of Love. Those who want to read in more detail on this subject can benefit from this book.
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