Divorce has been increasing rapidly in our country in recent years and appears as one of the most shocking events that can happen to children. But staying together for the sake of the children rarely works. Continuing the marriage of couples who do not get along may cause more harm to children than the divorce of couples who do not get along. The important thing is not the divorce, but how the couples handle the divorce and how they continue their lives as individuals and their relationships with their children after the divorce. For couples who are going through a difficult process themselves, hugging their children and showing more attention and affection to them, instead of directing their energy towards their own problems and/or negative emotions such as anger and resentment towards their spouses, will make it easier for them to cope with divorce, which will bring about a series of changes that will affect the development of their children.
What do children need most during the divorce process?
Preparing children for the divorce process is the most effective point in coping with divorce. Feeling of trust emerges as one of the most important needs in children's lives. A child should not wake up one morning and find his father leaving the house. When the people he trusts the most in his life hide things from him and/or leave the house suddenly, it will create a feeling of abandonment in the child and cause the towers he built his life to collapse. If he cannot trust his parents, who will he trust?
What should be shared with the child?
After the divorce decision is made and it is certain that one of the couples will leave home, this situation should be shared with the child so that he/she can get used to it. One or two weeks should be allowed. It is extremely important to make the child feel safe again by giving him information about what will happen to him after the divorce, who will leave the house, where the parent who left the house will live, whether he will be able to see the parent who left the house again. No matter how young the child is, he needs to hear the word 'divorce'. The child should not be asked a question such as 'Who do you want to live with?', parents should decide who they will stay with after the divorce.
It's no one's fault…
O In order to prevent pre-school children from holding themselves responsible for divorce as a result of their self-centered ways of thinking, the message that the child is not divorced because of something you did or did not do should be given very clearly. Creating an environment for the child to ask questions about the divorce and share his/her feelings will help him/her to overcome the traumatic event he/she experienced.
Read: 0
