Recently, there has been an increase in divorce rates in our country, as well as in the world. Divorce, which is a sociological phenomenon, may have many economic, psychological, cultural and social reasons. When looking at the divorce process from the child's perspective, not being able to reach the two people he has a bond with equally in his future life can divide the child's world in two. For parents, divorce; It means establishing a new life for themselves, creating new relationships with their children and ex-spouse, financial difficulties and changes in social relations. Of course, getting used to this new order will not be easy for family members, because although divorce is a decision made by planning, it affects people emotionally and psychologically.
From the child's perspective, the best possible situation is that the parties separate without showing hostility towards each other. It is an environment where children with common ties can communicate with each other and strive to continue the relationship with their children in a positive way. Because it is the spouses who divorce, not the parents. For this reason, the roles of parents continue where they left off.
How Should the Divorce Decision Be Explained to the Child?
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If possible When parents make a joint decision, they should make the divorce decision together. If not, the process should be explained to the child in a common language. It is important not to give too much detail during the explanation and to make explanations appropriate to the age level of the child.
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One of the most important points to consider when explaining the decision is that the parties are It is to avoid making accusatory sentences against someone. Instead of saying 'We are divorcing because your father upset me so much' or 'because your mother cheated on me'; You can say, 'We no longer get along as well as we used to and we decided to separate, but this does not prevent us from continuing to be your mother or father, we will always continue to be by your side' without giving details about the incident.
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The biggest curiosity of children during the process is what changes will happen in their lives from now on. He needs a clear answer about who he will stay with, how often he will see his other parent, whether his school will change, etc.
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Children need you to tell them that divorce does not mean that one of their parents leaves their life completely, and that you will always continue to love and protect them as parents. . Especially children in preschool and primary school may tend to blame themselves for the divorce situation when clear explanations and information are not given. To avoid this situation, mother and father must listen to the child's feelings and thoughts and try to understand their concerns after explaining the process.
The Psychological Effects of Divorce on the Child Effects
There are countless studies on this subject. One of the important points that they all agree on is that the form and reason of the divorce determine how much the child will be affected by this situation. Ongoing conflicts between parents in divorced families trigger anxiety and depression in the child. During and after the process, psychological incompatibilities such as anger, depression, decrease in school success, fear, etc. may be observed. However, divorce is not the only factor that negatively affects the psychological adjustment of children; similar effects can be observed in children growing up in a conflict-ridden family.
Another important point is that the mother-child relationship continues to be more protected since the child generally lives with the mother after the divorce. , may look a little more like the mother-child relationship in married families. On the contrary, the relationship between the child and the father, who cannot share with his father as often as in the past, may be negatively affected. Cooperation of mother and father is important in order to minimize the negative effects in the process. In conflict situations where the parties have difficulty communicating, getting help from an expert will enable the process to be healthier for both the child and the parents.
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