Nowadays, we witness that divorce rates are increasing. The situation we witness in therapy rooms is even more striking: The number of couples who want to divorce but cannot get divorced is just as high. Many factors such as conflicts between spouses, different expectations and disagreements of both parties, and interventions of family relatives affect the decision to divorce. Married couples who have not yet divorced find themselves in a serious vicious circle due to these reasons. Experiencing this situation for a long time can lead to psychological problems such as depression, panic disorder, and somatization.
Maintaining the Marriage Despite the Desire for Divorce = Helplessness and Unhappiness
Couples If people want to maintain their relationship, we focus on resolving the unrest and conflicts experienced in marriage through marriage/couple therapy. After the source of the problem is identified; Couples can work together on ways to resolve conflicts. However, the starting point of couples in their desire to continue their marriage is; There should be no conflict of interest or thought of being in need. Continuity of the relationship; It is important to have the desire to be happy and peaceful with the other person.
If this is not the starting point; We often encounter reasons such as "I want to continue my marriage for the sake of my children.", "If I divorce, my children will be ruined." . In this regard, the desire to continue the marriage; Unfortunately, it prevents the problems experienced in marriage from being resolved.
Is Not Divorce the Right Decision for the Children?
A happy and safe family environment is very important for the healthy development of children. However, the content of this "happy and safe family" concept is of great importance. This happy and safe family environment; It is not just about family members being together by sharing the same house. In the existing family environment; In a family where family members do not listen to each other, cannot recognize each other's emotional needs, there is psychological violence such as constant criticism, humiliation and disdain, and there is no common sharing, It is not possible to talk about a peaceful environment.
There are constant conflicts and verbal-physical violence; However, we cannot think that a family that is together provides a healthy family environment for its children. It is important for family members to have an interaction that respects each other's rights, boundaries and developments, and makes them feel connected with love and safe. It is not the frequency of meeting of family members; Communication established both verbally and through body language determines the quality of the relationship.
Therefore, it is not that the parents are divorced; As married or divorced parents, the quality of communication they provide to their children is important. Problems between couples; If he ignores the needs of the children, his tolerance decreases and he turns into an angry parent; It may be thought that divorce is a better choice for the child.
Are Children Negatively Affected by Divorce?
Divorce affects the individual and It is a situation where time is needed for children to adapt to the changes that affect their lives. Family members may have difficulty adapting to the changing conditions of divorce, especially in the early stages. Distractions in work/school life, intense emotions, and changes in sleep and appetite are common in the early stages; When these experiences are long-lasting and the person cannot overcome them, it may be useful to seek psychological support by consulting a specialist. Difficulties that are considered natural and normal in the first period after divorce may make some individuals re-question their decision to divorce. To avoid this situation; The marriage process and the problems encountered should be evaluated very well before the decision to divorce.
In the decision to continue the marriage in order to prevent the child's psychology from being negatively affected; It is not whether to continue the marriage or not; It is necessary to consider how the family environment to be provided will reflect on the child when the child continues. If you are raising your child in an unhealthy family environment by maintaining a marriage that you are not happy with; You may be paving the way for your child to be unhappy in the future with his or her choice of spouse and family structure. From your parents, whom he sees as role models; If he is unhappy, if he is despised, He will have learned to continue the marriage even if he is humiliated, to remain silent even if he is beaten, and to accept constant fights and arguments as normal. Therefore, your child is also ahead; He will not be able to even consider divorce or ending the marriage as an option in a marriage that makes him unhappy and causes psychological problems.
Effects of divorce; It varies depending on the attitudes of the couples, the ages of the divorced couple's children, their personality traits, and living conditions after the divorce. Therefore, it is not correct to say that every divorce will negatively affect children. Like a marriage that continues with unrest, couples who act hostile towards each other after the divorce and criticize each other to their children and those around them will cause much more harm to their children than the divorce itself.
Divorce is not a disaster scenario, the worst scenario that can happen to a woman or a family, as it is in social perception; should not be. In some cases, a solution that will prevent couples from harming each other may be the best option in some cases. In marriage/couple therapy, the only goal is not to find solutions to maintain the marriage; To ensure that a healthy divorce can take place when necessary.
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