Lately, I've been starting to feel a problem in my body and brain. It was as if I couldn't fit in where I was, I couldn't stay where I was, there was always distress, restlessness, strange fears that I couldn't understand or explain, as if something would happen at any moment.
I was at work. My life has been a bit difficult lately. Maybe my whole life hasn't been so good. I have experienced many negative things since my childhood. Suddenly my heart started beating like crazy. It was as if it was beating so fast that it would jump out of my mouth. I think it was a heart attack. I've never experienced anything like this before. I found myself in the emergency room of the nearest hospital. Electros, blood pressure measurements. It wasn't a heart attack. The doctor said it might be a panic attack and gave me half a xanax. What is Panic Attack? Fortunately, it wasn't a crisis. I slept all day due to the effect of the medicine.
The next day; I'm in the car, going to work. Is that traffic congestion? Why am I having trouble breathing, it seems like there is not enough oxygen, I need to open the window, oh my God, my heart started beating again. I'm getting short of breath, this is definitely a heart attack. I also started sweating. I will die of fear. It is very difficult to get to the hospital due to traffic congestion. It's been minutes, my heart is still pounding like crazy, and my blood pressure has definitely increased. Fortunately, I came to the hospital and I'm in the emergency room... Again, a lot of tests and still nothing.
I went to a psychologist with the advice of the doctor at the hospital. But he doesn't understand me either. There is something wrong with my heart. They need to find this. The psychologist cannot help me. In fact, there is a pressure in my head today, it feels like it's getting stuck and numb. Maybe I have a brain tumor and it's doing everything. Yes, yes, I have a tumor, I have to go to the hospital immediately…
CT scan was taken, my blood tests were done, nothing was found. I think I went to the wrong hospital, the CT scan was definitely broken. Let me go to another hospital.
The hospital I will go to is on the opposite bank. But what if my heart beats again while I'm driving, what if it happens when traffic is blocked, what if it happens on the bridge. No, I have to go to a hospital on this side, I can't risk it.
I am eating but I am very anxious. The other day I read a news story about someone who had food stuck in his throat. It's like a bull It can't go down my throat, it's like my throat is closed. What if it stays in my throat? Can they save me? No, it's best I don't eat alone. If something happens, have someone with me to save me.
I haven't been able to eat anything solid for days. My jaw hurts from chewing food. I think I have something in my throat. That's why meals are not comfortable. I'm constantly dealing with myself. I constantly listen to my body. There's something physical about me and I can't tell anyone about it. I don't understand why they don't believe me. They called it a panic attack. No, I feel these aches and pains. I wouldn't feel it unless it was something physical. My stomach is very bad and my intestines are a disaster. My heart starts beating like crazy out of the blue. I feel like I can't breathe. My chest feels tight. Sometimes my head feels cramped, it goes numb, my arms and fingers go numb.
Today I went shopping to distract myself a little. But what is that; It's like I'm outside a glass bowl, people are inside the glass, and I'm looking at people from behind that glass wall. There is just humming. This is a really weird feeling. My surroundings are full of people and yet it feels like I'm all alone. I can't explain it.
It has become very difficult to live my normal life now. I started to be afraid of everything. What if I have a heart attack while doing sports, what if the hot water in the bathroom causes a brain hemorrhage, what if my heart starts beating like crazy while passing through a tunnel or while in the elevator, what if I choke while eating, what if I get poisoned no matter how fresh the food I eat outside, the bone of this fish will definitely remain in my throat. I'm sick, there's definitely something in my body, I'm getting the flu, I can't breathe, my nose and throat will be so blocked that I won't be able to breathe at all, my fever won't go down, the flu will kill me.
I experienced something very new today. My heart or stomach seemed to spin in place. It was a very strange thing. Lightning struck all the way to my brain. Afterwards, my heart accelerated again. I was so scared I can't explain. I couldn't explain this to the doctor. Apparently it was reflux. It doesn't matter, I think it's either something to do with my heart or something in my stomach. Something new happens to me every day, but I am very tired. I am so tired of going from doctor to doctor, not being able to explain my problem, living close to hospitals, and having lost count of the number of tests performed. How could I get to this point in such a short time? I can't live like this, my life is ruined. I'm so tired of waking up almost every night with my heart pounding, sleeping with my clothes on so I can get to the hospital at night, and constantly worrying everyone at home. My psychologist has banned me from the internet, but I can't stop myself. I research everything that happened to me on the internet, I constantly read the drug leaflets. But these worry me even more, I feel like I have everything I read, I'm almost going crazy. I adapt every story I see and hear to my own. My whole day started to be spent listening to myself and being afraid. I can't stand it anymore. My business life, my social life, my family life, everything is ruined. It's best if I just stay with my family, they know the situation, now if something happens in front of my friends or others, I won't be able to tell anyone about my problem, and they will make fun of me. Although my family is now very fed up with my attacks, running around like crazy when the attack comes, being constantly afraid, the unrest I create, and not being able to do many of the things I used to do with them anymore.
I don't feel like doing anything anymore. Everything started to seem empty and meaningless. I feel aimless and empty. Even leaving the house became difficult. I started not enjoying anything I used to do. I can't be alone, I started to live with my loved ones as if they were stuck together.
Yes, I think there are many people who find something familiar in what I wrote, who find something in themselves, who see what they are experiencing or some of what they are experiencing. These are just some of the symptoms of Panic Disorder. Many panic disorder patients have great difficulty believing that the symptoms they experience are due to panic disorder and not physical. Even if he believes after the examinations, this is a temporary belief and when the same symptom appears again, all his belief is lost. All he gave to himself is now that I believe, I am not sick, I will not go to the hospital in vain and will wait for it to pass. His words are forgotten and he rushes to the hospital, calls his psychologist or a doctor friend he made in the process and tries to make sure. Panic Disorder is a completely curable disease. A period of therapy is needed; if the symptoms are severe, medication and therapy should go together. What we need is to be able to interpret this event with the thinking style of a healthy person, not in the way our own brain distorts it. Because the most important point of panic disorder is what we call cognitive distortion, which is that our brain has started to interpret events that are very different from normal and that will worry us. The disease with which our brain plays the best trick on us is Panic Disorder. When our brain tells us that you are having a heart attack, go to the hospital, when our hands go numb, when our head gets stuck, we will be able to wait until the symptom passes, we will be able to say that this is a panic attack, it has always passed and now it will pass, then the attacks will begin to decrease, the symptoms will not be as severe as before, and Gradually, our cognitive distortions will begin to decrease. If we cannot achieve this alone, we should definitely go to a specialist and aim to end this situation that affects our quality of life, work, family and our entire life.
Read: 0
