Punishment: It is a distressing and painful method applied to the child to prevent the unwanted behavior from recurring. For example; such as violence, scolding, locking in a room. Or it is a right taken from the child (such as not allowing the child to go to the cinema, cutting off his allowance, removing his toys.
Punishment, just like the reward, loses its effect after a while. The child gets used to the punishment. For example, after a while, the child does not go to the cinema. It loses its importance and continues to perform the undesirable behavior.
Punishment creates fear, anxiety and anxiety in the child. He does not do the behavior not because he has learned that he should not do it, but simply because he is afraid of punishment. The child begins to look for different ways to avoid punishment. For example: Bad grade The child, who is not allowed to go out after school, hides his grades from his family and says that he got high grades. Punishment paves the way for worse behavior for the child.
The child who is punished experiences anger, rage, hatred, defiance, revenge, guilt, distrust, Negative emotions such as self-pity and deeming bad things worthy of oneself are observed.
Think of your own childhood, what emotions did you feel when you were hindered or punished?
What can you do instead of punishment?
-You can explain your expectations to the child before the problematic behavior. For example; For the child who constantly cries outside asking for something, before the mother leaves the house: It makes me sad and angry when you cry when you want something outside, and going out with you is not enjoyable. Can you express it differently when you want something?
The important thing to consider here is; Explaining your expectations to the child before the undesirable behavior, and not trying to solve the problem at the time of the problem. When you shout and warn the child after the child starts crying, this will not be understood by the child. At that moment, their perception of you is closed.
-Create an example of the behavior you expect from the child. For example; If you do not want the child to shout when he is angry, do not shout at the child when you are angry. Remember that; Children practice what they see.
-Appreciate the child often. Most � One of the important things is appreciation. Appreciating every good, acceptable behavior you like is a very important factor in repeating it.
-Question the reason for the unacceptable behavior. When a child behaves undesirably, there may be an underlying reason other than mischief. For example; If he doesn't want to go to school, it is necessary to think about why. Maybe he is sleep deprived, it may be the beginning of an illness, or he has another emotional problem. He may be angry with you, he may be looking for attention from you, he may have had a fight with a friend at school, he may have been angry with his teacher. At that moment, instead of forcing the behavior (let's go to school!), you can think about the reasons and talk to the child: You don't look good today, is there something wrong? You can share with me.
-You can offer alternatives to the child. You can show acceptable behavior instead of undesirable behavior. Just don't tell the child! So, he initiates the stubborn behavior and you can guide him to make a choice by explaining what you expect him to do instead. For example; If he touches everything at the market, you can show him the items you bought and let him put them in the basket.
-After the child performs the undesirable behavior, you can show the child the effects of the behavior. This way, he may experience regret. The child must see the harm that results from unacceptable behavior. In this way, the child begins to become conscious about his environment and other people, establishes the cause-effect relationship, and learns the effects and reactions that his behavior may have on others. The thought of causing someone else's sadness, discomfort and pain leads the child to feel guilty and regretful of his behavior. In this way, the child begins to develop self-control. For example; Despite our agreement, you brought your toys to the middle of the living room again. Collecting these at this hour makes me tired and my back hurts. Also, I get worried and angry because the guest is almost coming. My trust in you is shaken because you broke our agreement.
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