Are relationships really complex and sometimes incomprehensible, or do we prefer complex, challenging relationships? If so why are we doing this? That's the question I want you to ask yourself today. Because when we look for a logical answer, we all think and say that we aim for a relationship that will make us happy.
We now know that the type of relationship we establish with our parents in our childhood determines the relationship preferences in our adult lives. The insecure relationship we have with our mother or father, feeling uneasy about their existence or the continuity of their love, is one of the factors that can determine our choices. The father model for a girl, the mother model for a boy, and the type of bond we establish with that model may appear as the choice of partner in the future. Again, when the child is at an early age, the traumatic separation of mother and father and the child's perception of the separation as a form of not being valued can also affect our orientations in the background. But most of the time we cannot see the reasons behind our behavior. Sometimes, we clearly tell ourselves, "this person is not suitable for me at all, I am unhappy with him." Even though we see this fact clearly, we continue to be with him. Our negative thoughts or feelings about that person do not cause us to end the relationship.
Maybe we are not aware of it, but it is not without reason that we continue our relationships with people who we think are not suitable for us, who force us and make us unhappy. It is possible that that person is touching a deep-seated trauma that we try to suppress. Our awareness immediately tells us this; If that person touches my trauma, shouldn't I end the relationship instead of continuing to be with him?" I can exemplify this situation as follows. Think of a student who wants to pass the exam for which he has been preparing for a long time. He wants to pass, but he is also very afraid of the exam, of something happening to him, or of not being successful. In the end, what he experiences is This fear drags him towards the point he avoids, the thing he fears happens to him as if it were inevitable, and he really fails. Our traumas are our biggest fears
Most of the time, we find ourselves face to face with the thing we fear and avoid.
Right next to you who is the person in it? How well do you really know him? What are your expectations from him? Are you with the person of your dreams or with the person who will trigger your deepest wounded part?
Why do people still make you feel that your presence or absence means nothing, pretend to listen to you, and remain indifferent to the developments in your life? Are you with a person who avoids contact with you, who judges you instead of understanding you, who thinks he is right in everything, and who does not respect your values? Why, even though you have a choice, are you not with the person who will make you feel truly valuable and unique? What a paradox this is...
We all want to feel valuable and unique, but our environment is full of people who do not meet this need. You are valuable, you are unique and you are the only one. Hug the person who will give you exactly what you need. A spouse who is your mirror who can see you as much as you do, a spouse who is your diary who listens to you with excitement and desire, a spouse you trust who makes you feel that you are the most valuable person, a spouse who makes you feel that he or she always desires you when he touches you. Almost all of us need these basic beliefs and emotions. Follow them and never give up. But first find the "you" inside you. I hope that person who makes you feel unique is with you today.
Read: 0
