Self-confidence is important for an individual to live a happy life, whether he is successful in the steps he takes throughout his life or not. When raising a child, parents want their child to be social, confident, assertive, active, express himself/herself freely, etc. However, some of their behaviors have the opposite effect. So what are these?
What is Self-Confidence?
Self-confidence is the individual being at peace with himself, that is, with every particle of himself, and realizing his value. The individual's belief that he is satisfied with himself and at peace with himself and the internal confidence he feels in this regard are related to the external confidence and the behavior he gives to the outside world as being confident. Internal confidence includes the individual's love and recognition of himself, setting goals for himself, and positive thoughts. External confidence includes communication skills, self-expression, ability to demonstrate one's own skills and control one's emotions.
Confidence in developmental periods
The sense of confidence starts from the first month. which is very important.
Between 0-12 months is the trust or distrust phase. In this period when the baby needs a caregiver the most, meeting his needs in a timely manner strengthens his "I am safe" feeling.
Punishment, anger or overprotective parental attitudes between the ages of 1-3 increase the child's sense of "shame and guilt".
Between the ages of 3-5 is the period when questions increase with the sense of curiosity, and it is important to answer questions in a short and understandable manner appropriate to their age during this period; Even if he asks the same question several times, avoid answers and behaviors such as "I've answered that enough, I have too much work to do now.." etc. The sense of curiosity should not be hindered by such attitudes and the courage to ask questions again should not be discouraged.
As of the age of 6, a period begins in which the child's individual areas increase. It is important for the parent to encourage the child to stay separate from him/her when he/she first starts school. Don't worry if he or she will have problems in their relationships, and don't be the one who goes and meets with his friend or his friend's parents and solves the problem. It is important for you to support, but supporting does not mean being the solution itself. k is not.
As can be seen, self-confidence is a phenomenon that develops from the first moments of life and makes the individual's life comfortable. Therefore, let's talk about parental attitudes that have a significant prospective impact on self-confidence.
Source of Self-Confidence Problems
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Neglect
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Adequate level of attention and closeness inability to see
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Constant criticism
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Not feeling loved, cared for and accepted
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Communication problems within the family
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Experiencing intense pressure for academic success
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Unrealistic expectations
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Inconsistency of boundaries
A few suggestions for attitudes that should be taken with a few examples:
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From the age of 2, it is important to give him/her the opportunity to eat the food on his/her own and to find an alternative solution, such as putting a table cloth under him/her instead of giving him/her a big reaction when he/she spills it, and instead of feeding him/her to prevent him/her from spilling it.
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To the child who expresses that he is full, say "no" Unacceptable answers such as "it will end", "it is impossible for you to be full", "you ate just a tiny bit, no", "one more spoon", etc. give the message "you do not even have the ability to understand whether your stomach is full or not". At a very young age, agreements by showing amounts such as 3 bites to 5 bites make the process functional. If he/she is at primary school age and can decide the amount, it would be appropriate not to object to the decision.
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He had a problem with his friends, he told his parents or an elder, and they solved the problem. This attitude not only hinders his problem-solving skills, but also reinforces his belief that "I can't do anything by myself" and makes him say "Oh no!" when faced with the problems he experiences when he is alone. Help! “Mommy!” It will be an attitude that reveals the problem of helplessness and undermines the healthy development of self-confidence.
Suggestions for Parents to Improve Self-Confidence
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Frequently express your respect for the child by supporting it with your actions
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Share with him his positive contributions to the family
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Instead of criticizing negatively, direct your attention towards what is right
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Share your ideas
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Listen to even the simplest thoughts and beliefs without criticizing them
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Show interest in the activities he/she does and is interested in
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Express love physically, too
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Talk to the child at eye level
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Avoid giving contradictory messages, be consistent
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Share your feelings with the child
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Encourage him to make his own decisions
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Every individual is unique and it is special!
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