I will start my words with sentences that we often hear from parents...
“My child does not understand me”
“I know that he will fall, but he is so stubborn that he cannot stop.”
“I want to ask him for something, but he never listens to me.”
Parents usually come with such complaints. Their children want something, but they cannot understand.
The child gets angry, the child gets angry, the child behaves aggressively, and maybe the child starts to hit, bite or throw the toy in his hand.
As human beings, our biggest problem is basically. is to be understood. We want to be understood. We want our wishes to be conveyed to the other party. Here, there will be some who say yes, definitely that, some who will think about it, and some who will say no, it has nothing to do with it. My suggestion for those of you who say no is this, please think about it, what actually makes you a problem in your troubled moments, what you expect from the other party...
Speaking of expectations, let me continue talking about children.
Children also want to be understood. In fact, this cycle begins in infancy. The baby cries and wants to tell you that he is hungry, he cries to tell you that he is sleepy, he cries to tell you that he has made a mess of his diaper, he cries and wants help to burp. In fact, the baby's main problem here is to be understood. He cries and communicates for the sake of being understood.
As our babies grow up, parents everywhere encounter the word "syndrome". Actually, there is no such thing as a syndrome. Yes, there may be some periods that the child experiences depending on his age, but I do not think it is right to accept this as a problem with the word syndrome. The most complained about is the 2-year-old period. At the age of 2, the child cannot pronounce every word he wants. His awareness has increased, but he cannot express his needs. This may cause anger, aggression, violence and aggression in them. The child whose needs are not met may communicate this situation in the future.
So what to do? How should we intervene and what should we say to a crying or angry child?
If the child throws toys at you, cries and throws himself on the ground, he wants to attract your attention. In fact, this is a healthy reaction. Because the child still wants to attract your attention, still wants to tell you about himself, yes, this is actually your child's way of communicating with you.
So, let's move on to the 3-stage form of communication...
Your child asked you for something and this is not possible for you, you directly say "NO!" Instead of giving the answer, you should tell him your reasons. When we adults receive a negative answer, we wait for an explanation rather than immediately accepting it. We should make these explanations when communicating with children.
1- The child may ask you for chocolate, a surprise box, a toy, ice cream in the winter, or wear a coat in the summer. Here, first tell your child that you understand him/her. Otherwise, your child will continue to say, "Oh no, you don't understand, I want it."
"I know you want to wear this coat right now."
"I know you want to eat more chocolate."
2- After expressing to your child that you understand him/her, explain why his/her wish cannot come true. In the second stage Make the sentence “Because…”.
“I know you want to wear this coat right now, you love your coat, but you cannot wear it today because it is summer and the weather so hot. If you wear this, you will sweat a lot during the day, red blisters may appear on your arms from sweat, or you may get sick while sweating..."
"I'm aware that you want to eat more chocolate, but you know that you only have the right to eat one chocolate a day. I don't think it's appropriate for you to buy more chocolate because eating too much chocolate is bad for all of us. ”
3- You expressed to your child that you understand his problem, and explained to him the reason for saying no. Now it's time to express your feelings and increase social sharing. At this stage, use "you... I..." language to your child.
“I know you want to wear this coat right now, you love your coat, but you cannot wear it today because it is summer and the weather is very hot. . If you wear this, you will sweat a lot during the day, red blisters may appear on your arms, or you may get sick while sweating. If you get sick, I will be very sad. I don't want you to get sick."
"I know you want to eat more chocolate, but you know that you only have the right to eat one chocolate a day. I don't think it's appropriate for you to buy more chocolate because eating too much chocolate is bad for all of us. And I don't want you to get hurt. ”
Remember... You are the best observer of your child. If you observe your child, you will understand what he wants, and everything starts with understanding...
May your communication with your child be abundant and satisfying...
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