Making a long-term relationship work is difficult because it requires striking a fine balance between individuality (me) and togetherness (we). On the one hand, we want to be separate and independent individuals; on the other hand, we want closeness and connection with another person, or a family. or we pursue the feeling of belonging to the group. When the couple loses balance in one of the two aspects, problems arise.
If there is not enough of us in the relationship, emotional divorce may occur. Two people are in a marriage that has become an empty shell, where personal feelings or experiences are not shared. , they become isolated from each other and remain alone. Fighting may be less in a relationship, but closeness is also less.
If there is not enough "I" in the relationship, we lose our own identity and our own control and responsibility over our lives. Energy is spent on being present for the other person and making the other person think and act differently. Instead of taking responsibility for ourselves, we tend to take responsibility for the other person's emotional well-being and hold the other person responsible for our own. In this way, one party in relationships may overreact to what the other says and behaves, There can be a lot of fighting and blaming.
Another consequence of overcoupling is the so-called harmonious weaving, where partners behave as if they share the same brain and body, without open arguments because a submissive partner accepts the reality of the dominant partner. Two people become one person. Its transformation can put us in a vulnerable position and cause feelings similar to psychological or physical death in cases of separation. When this important relationship ends, we are left with no self to hold on to.
We all have an "I" and a "we" that nourish each other and give meaning to each other. We need "". The balance between these two forces is constantly in motion in all couples. A common solution that couples make without realizing it is that the woman expresses her desire for separation in the man of the relationship. The balance between being me and we is the fundamental point of a healthy relationship.
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