The biggest problem of the human being in this world, the 'need to understand', has another problem right next to it: 'The need to be understood.'
Yes, if these two problems are not resolved, they will cause the deep wounds of the human being. It stands before him as a bleeding need.
'The need for understanding or the search for meaning is the subject of another article. The subject of this article is about the second biggest problem of man, the 'need to be understood'...
Every person has the need to share the feelings in his heart or the ideas in his mind with someone else. In fact, one of the most satisfying things for a person is to share the subtle feelings and thoughts that exist in one's own heart and mind with a corresponding heart that can be fully understanding.
Every person wants to be understood. This desire to be understood includes all three dimensions of emotion, thought, spirituality and behavior. So, can this human need for understanding always be met? What happens if it is not met? This is the part that is closely related to the psychological health of human beings. Because, like every unmet need and desire, failure to meet this desire and need will stress the person both at the conscious and unconscious level. Since this stress level depends on the inability to meet a basic need related to one's existence, it will of course be different from the stress level of a person who cannot buy any object he sees in the window while walking on the street and that he likes. The state of not being understood results in a state of 'loneliness', which sometimes feels like absence. Because the person is deprived of another basic need such as 'acceptance', and in a sense, he is rejected because he is not understood. Almost everyone knows the pain of rejection. A person in this situation, on the one hand, suffers, and on the other hand, struggles to either control and suppress the feelings and thoughts that cause him to be excluded from society because he is not understood, or to bring them to an understandable level. Of course, like every struggle, this struggle causes tension, anxiety and fear in the person. Therefore, the person will look for ways to reduce this tension and will spend most of his energy to reduce this tension to the level of 'calmness'.
This form of energy expenditure is either external or internal, depending on the person's temperament. In other words, the person will either look for a way to make himself accepted. He will struggle with people who do not understand him, sometimes considering them as people who do not want to understand him. In fact, this struggle is the attempt to have one's existence accepted. Because the person who is not understood has not found any sound in any heart or mind. Especially if the person cannot even find the environment to express these feelings and thoughts, think about the rest. So it's like it doesn't exist... because it is a symptom of existence, thought and emotion, feeling, state and behavior. Understanding that feeling and thought is, in a sense, acceptance of existence. The person who perceives such a threat to his existence chooses a different way of proving his existence against those who create that threat. This struggle usually takes the form of having feelings, thoughts and behaviors that are contrary to the society (or the person in front of them). In other words, aggression... Of course, as is known, there are various degrees of aggression.
Another type of struggle is internal struggle. It occurs as a result of a person's desire not to get into direct conflict with the society he lives in (which may be a person or a small group related to his thoughts), for a variety of reasons. A person spends his struggle to accept his existence by trying to bring his own feelings and thoughts to an acceptable level. As a result, this creates a personality that is introverted, not assertive, and unable to show any presence. A person in this situation cannot show any existence, because he/she has problems with his/her own existence, even at a certain level.
Lack of acceptance, which is a result of not being understood, leaves them in an insecure environment in terms of existence, individuals who do not trust themselves. It reveals. Self-confidence here refers to the inability to see one's existence as acceptable at the level of other people's existence.
As a result of not being understood, the individual who cannot reach a realistic level of acceptance regarding his own existence cannot fully and realistically satisfy his need for understanding.
Satisfaction The need for meaning, meaning, and understanding-acceptance, eventually gives rise to various spiritual problems.
The easiest and only way to help people who face many problems in their psychological world because they are not understood or accepted is to talk.
p>Yes, our ancestors said that people can get along by talking. They 'get along', that is, they mutually understand each other. We have seen people who are filled with joy, relieved, relieved and calm by listening to the thoughts they keep inside and not sharing with anyone, and by understanding them even if you do not accept them. We all know that one of the worst things that can be done to a person is to ignore him. In this case, it seems that one of the greatest favors that can be done to a person is to accept him/her as existing. However, it is said that even hell is a kind of mercy because it is salvation from nothingness.
It is obvious that expecting someone else to understand and accept us will impose a heavy burden on human psychology. Since expecting everyone to accept us is to see the addressee as the receiving authority and us as the needy position, the only way to avoid being crushed under the weight of the begging state it will cause in the heart lies in choosing a single position and authority as the receiving authority. A person must learn to accept himself and get approval from himself. He should be able to draw strength from the 'power' in his own heart and take his own essence as a reference. He must live consistent with his own value system.
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