We are in a world where development and change occur rapidly. This situation triggers individuality. Thus, we do not make time for each other and, perhaps most importantly, we do not listen or rest. Listening and being listened to brings understanding. A person who feels understood feels comfortable and valued. The person who realizes that he is not listened to; He/she feels the need to become defensive along with feelings of anger and unrest. All this brings with it miscommunication. Everyone wants to explain and talk about something, but this is not always possible. Even if he explains, he may be disappointed when he sees that he is not listened to. Knowing that you are heard and understood is such a pleasant feeling that it makes the listener feel a sense of closeness. It adds sincerity to the relationship. Listening, in which we focus on the other person with our whole being, is ACTIVE LISTENING and is one of the most basic elements of communication. I would like to take a look at how important it is to listen in family relationships.
Ayşe: -What should I make for dinner?
Ahmet: -Where is my book, have you seen it?
>Ayşe: -Would pasta be good?
Ahmet: -It would be bad if I can't find the book.
As in the monologue above, the spouses think they are talking to each other. But everyone hears what he says. Listening means not only paying attention to what is being said, but also paying attention to the body language of the person speaking. So, what happened that we stopped listening to each other anymore? We now live as a nuclear family. Time to gather as a family is also limited. Either breakfast or dinner. Especially if we live in a metropolis, we are only together for Sunday breakfasts. Even our family time to talk is limited. In our lives where technology is intense, we have come to the point where we communicate with family members in the next room by messaging. When we come together, no one listens to each other and focuses on their own needs. Everyone is in a very busy rush. Parents are very busy at work. The mother comes home and the same intensity continues at home. Food needs to be prepared, dishes, cleaning and order of the house, laundry, ironing, etc. The father continues to work at home or make phone calls. Children, school, private teaching institutions or courses, friends' activities... All this intense hustle and bustle. No one can spare time to listen to each other. Because we need time and patience for active listening. What can we pay attention to in order for active listening to help us in our relationships? The moment when communication begins should be reserved only for the person speaking, eye contact, and the body should be completely turned towards the interlocutor. All of these give the person the message that I am only interested in you. This relaxes the person and causes him/her to continue talking. Body language is a big clue that we're listening. Listening to your words without interrupting will convey the message that I value you. While the other person continues talking with these feelings, he finds solutions himself. They asked the philosopher Diogenes: “Master! Why do we have two ears but only one mouth? Diogenes said: "Let's talk less, but let's listen more." What would change if we listened more and talked less these days? Let's try to observe these in our lives. While trying to listen, we sometimes think to ourselves, 'I wish he would remain silent and express my opinion, he is stuck on simple things, look at what he has a problem with, etc...' We need patience for active listening here. We can say the following suggestions to ourselves: “Yes, these things are ridiculous for me, but these are important for my wife and child. My communication with my wife and child is important to me. “They are an important part of my life and very valuable to me.” What we need to do is try to understand, not answer. Trying to understand will solve most of your communication problems. Because listening effectively is the most difficult part of communication.
"There will come a day in their life when everyone will understand that there is only one answer to every question: LOVE"
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