COUPLE PROBLEMS AND SOLUTIONS
Marriage is the union of two people's lives, the transformation of the life of 'I' into 'we'. Of course, it is not an easy process. Combining two separate lives in a common place, changing habits, freedoms, sharing and qualities, new relatives, responsibilities, and economic changes are some of the conditions that may challenge the couple in this process. When couples decide to get married, they dream of living together and being happy for a lifetime. They want to share the most special and precious things with their spouses, to grow old with them, to laugh with them, to cry with them and to die with them. They get married, reunite and become happy. Time passes, things start to change. Some couples cope with problems and find solutions, but some become exhausted. They want to separate their lives, which they had happily united for a while. No one wants to end their happiness, if a couple is making a difficult decision like divorce, it means they are truly unhappy. The solution may be something other than divorce.
In the "Family Structure Research in Turkey" conducted by the Ministry of Family and Social Policies, a survey was conducted with a total of 12 thousand 56 households across Turkey. In the research, many situations were examined, from individuals' television viewing habits to their participation in cultural activities, from alcohol use to marriage decisions. One of the most striking results was the ranking of the reasons for divorce. Contrary to popular belief, beating, cheating, and economic poverty are not the primary reasons for divorce. With a rate of 27.3 percent, "spouses' indifference and irresponsibility to each other" was by far the first reason for divorce. These reasons are, respectively, inability to provide economic support for the household, cheating, beating/mistreatment, drinking and gambling, disrespectful behavior of spouses towards their families, abandonment/abandonment, involvement of the spouse's family in domestic relations, not having children, maltreatment of children in the family, difficult treatment of the spouse. contracting a disease, crimes such as theft, fraud, extortion, harassment, sexual harassment within the family and other reasons.
Spouses not paying enough attention to each other; Before marriage, couples show great interest in each other and often express that they miss their loved ones. After marriage Since they live in the same place, it is not difficult for them to meet each other, and they get used to each other, over time they begin to not show the same interest as before. Not expressing emotions such as love, happiness, anger, rage, etc. causes the closeness to deteriorate and the spouses to move away from each other. People who become distant have difficulty coping with the problem, behave incompatibly and fight frequently.
Not sharing responsibilities; With changing living conditions, sharing the work at home and outside is a problem that spouses have difficulty with. Situations that can turn into problems include men and women working all day, the workload being high when the woman is not working and the woman being forced, and the man working in a stressful and tiring job all day and just wanting to rest when he comes home. The main problem here, rather than physical fatigue, is that she thinks that her partner does not understand her, does not care about her, does not want to do anything for her, and these are not discussed between spouses. Things that can be done with pleasure turn into torture over time and partners become exhausted.
Unqualified communication; Communication is what will make everything better or worse. Disruption of communication leads to disruption of sharing, prevention of spending quality time, dislike of coming together and intolerance.
Economic reasons; Couples who promise to be together in sickness and health, in good times and bad times, cannot find the strength to tolerate bad times over time.
Physical and emotional violence; Violence is not just beating. Extreme jealousy, restrictions, not being understood, constant criticism, causing emotional hunger, constant nagging, using physical force, using emotional force are the reasons that will drive spouses away from each other.
DO YOU WANT THE PROBLEMS TO BE SOLVED?
< br /> After getting married, first become a family of two, then add a new member to your family, at least two years may be enough time to get to know each other and adapt.
Get to know your spouse; What hurts him so much? What makes him very happy? What drives him crazy? What can't he stand and immediately make peace with? What makes him frown and how to fix it? Know these and use this knowledge to be good,
Do not scratch each other's weaknesses and pains. You are together to be a balm for your pain,
Do not criticize each other, express your shortcomings with love, complete each other because that is why you are married, always remember that,
The person you expect the most attention from is your spouse, right? Likewise, he expects attention and love from you. This is paramount. Remember, if you do not ensure peace and happiness with your spouse, you cannot feel good. Talk about your expectations from each other and put your wishes into practice, right away. If you are having problems with responsibilities at home and outside and think that you cannot solve them, you are wrong. There is no problem that cannot be solved, as long as you both want to solve it and be solution-oriented. Remember, you may be reacting to issues that you think are unsolvable, but as you start talking about the issue, you will see that the problem actually starts to shift to other places.
Sharing emotions gives healing. Talk to your partner about everything you feel, don't hoard it. In this way, you will not experience emotional outbursts or escalate the problems. It is important to establish qualified communication. Notice your spouse, value them, listen to them, try to understand them and express what you understand. Do not use emotional or physical violence just to get your way or for other reasons. This is a helpless method, the more mature one is to gain the ability to express your anger and resentment.
Be with your spouse in the problems you have with your family, try to understand each other. Remember, your spouse's family is as valuable as your family. Each of you create a filtered form between your family and your spouse. Do not tell your spouse about every event that happens or everything you hear, but convey it appropriately and adequately. Pay attention to every need of your spouse, respect each other's things, hobbies, goals and work,
/> Meet your children's physical, social, psychological and mental needs. Spend quality time with your children, and love them unconditionally,
Every couple has problems, every couple has to fight crises. The important thing is to gain the ability to turn crises into advantage. If you cannot solve your problems, if your harmony problems with your spouse increase day by day, get support. Because you need to take care of yourself as a couple. You may not, but a few words from an outside professional can save your marriage and make you happy.
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