Good things do not happen by themselves, they require effort. Illness, death, the family we were born into, the gender we were born into, the geography we were born into cannot be controlled, yes, but there are many life events that we have control over. What matters is whether we put effort into our lives or not; "Fate" is the name we give to events for which we did not make any effort. We make choices and live it. We should not be surprised by the results of our choices. We can also live life as if we were traveling to a beautiful view; We can live as if we were traveling on a flat, empty plain; We can live by trying to climb paths that are not suitable for us. We choose a path, and the results that occur along the journey are the "natural" result of the path we choose. We either take control or accept the consequences we cannot predict.
FEELINGS OR LOGIC?
"...but this seems very artificial to me. Buying gifts, flowers just because she asked for it." ... It's not like me at all. I'm not a romantic anyway. This is a very artificial thing, how old are we? Do you ever want a gift? It has to come from within. I don't feel like it either. It doesn't come to my mind either. It doesn't matter to me." When watering a flower, we don't say, "How artificial is it? Do I have to water it all the time? I don't feel like watering it, it's a burden. I won't water it anymore, it's too mechanical, it has no end, it's a banana to let it bloom on its own." If we want it to live, we will gladly carry the amount of water that a healthy flower needs. It rewards us by blooming in different colors.
Receiving a gift is not like turning off the fuses in the brain, it is like giving water to a flower.
Sometimes you need to manage your relationship with your mind, not with your emotions.
MOURNING
A mourning house is established. Halvahs start to be roasted. This is not done for the soul of the deceased, but to compensate for the E, B and magnesium deficiency that may occur in the body of the deceased. Semolina is a carbohydrate; It keeps you full, gives energy, and raises blood sugar slowly. It is done so that the elderly person does not feel tired and gets the nutrients the body needs.
People come together; Those who remain sometimes forget that the dead person is dead. The crowd contributed to the adaptation process. People cry because the mourner must cry, and he tells everyone, many times, thousands of times, one by one, how the death process took place. He experiences emotional release with this narration.
And... when the crowd disperses, the mourner is left alone with himself, of course he has a hard time, but he did not experience that first shock alone. It's like yin-yang. The complement of every sadness is happiness, the complement of every happiness is sadness. Now the mourner's own internal process has begun.
All rituals have a reason; Ancient peoples from ancient times know this; People are solution oriented. It provides psychological and social support to the extent it can.
Helping hands that can hold your hand and pick you up when you fall are valuable. Getting support does not mean being weak, it means taking care of your needs.
AWARENESS
It would be a psychological disorder on its own, but it would be a physical disorder alone. There will be no discomfort. For example, a person does not get cancer for no reason, he does not develop a tumor in his brain for no reason, he does not have a heart attack or an ulcer. First the psychological system is disrupted, then the functioning of the body is disrupted. If a person could take precautions by going to a psychologist to cope with life stressors before they require medical treatment, perhaps the pain of the compulsion would not leave their body. What we need; Protecting ourselves before the incident happens, not after it happens. To a future with plenty of consciousness, plenty of awareness...
WHO IS BEHIND THE WHEEL?
When we make choices, decisions in daily life or when we look at the things around us. When we react to people, we always think that "we" are at the wheel. However, this is often a big mistake. Our decisions about life were actually made years ago; taken during childhood. Changing this requires awareness.
You can get counseling to realize that there are "I"s within you that you have not yet met, those that you were not aware of while you were alive, and who the driver within you is. "There is only me inside me".
...HE CHOOSE THE LEEK ...
He went to the market and took a look. He chose leek among all the vegetables. Actually, leeks didn't have such an indispensable taste for him, but he liked its color and its long length. These two criteria were enough for him to choose a vegetable from the onion family, although he did not even chop onions into meals. Anyway, he said, "When I cook this leek, I add plenty of spices, squeeze an orange into it, and add flavor to it." actually fruit While it was in the e section, he could not have chosen it, he could have chosen it, he could not have taken it to the weighing scale, he could have left it at the cash register, he could have not brought it home even though he paid for it, he could have cooked it, he could not have cooked it. "No," he said, "I'll add spices to this leek and change it." He cooked it well, checked the flavor and said, "Oh, it still tastes like leek." This isn't the first time this has happened to you, but have you experienced this before with cauliflower? He questioned himself, "Is it possible that I failed?" and said, "It was my fate." But he should have realized this: "If leeks were not suitable for you, what led you to buy leeks?" YOU chose leeks. It's in his nature to be bulbous. Spices go well with your favorite dishes; And it suits it very well!
How many times have you heard the sentence "If you didn't like leeks, you shouldn't have bought them too, brother!"? Have you heard what it does? ''I bought it, I bought it!'' ... ''why did I buy it?''
There is a reason for choosing that leek... What attracted you to that leek? What if you left leeks to those who love to eat them? Okay, you didn't leave it alone, you cooked it. So what will you do now? Will you eat it or spill it?
Everything you realize ceases to be your destiny.
3 EGO STATES
Transactional Analysis According to , we have three ego states: parent, adult and child. 3 ego states that are with us from the moment we are born until the moment we die. If we can still chat with deer, laugh out loud, go to an amusement park and have fun, go on vacation, get excited about the "Black Friday" sale, and get carried away in conversations with friends, we owe this to the child ego state within us. On the one hand, the child ego state gives us life energy; On the other hand, it is very sensitive, delicate and fragile. Because he has ceased to be a natural child who can urinate and poop wherever he wants, burp, walk laps and talk whatever he wants, and has been transformed into a shape that the society/family wants. The shaping process is sometimes like a difficult surgery, sometimes there are complications, sometimes it injures the child. Child ego state; He needs compassion, love, care, attention, he needs approval. You know the things you try to explain and change by hitting that inner child in your head... You know, the thing that hurts you the most... You know, sitting in the driver's seat while moving forward in life? That kid who causes you accidents because he's not tall enough and can't see what's ahead. That makes you angry, anxious, frightened, panicked, crying, saddened, saddened. Oh, what you would do without him... I couldn't get rid of him, that little child ego state inside you that makes you angry because he is going to my basement, risking my life, taking wrong paths, going down dead ends... And look at your childhood photo and get angry at him; Let's see if you can make it. Let's see if you can call him bad/dirty?
You can't kick the child's ego out the door, but you can put him in the backseat and buckle him up. His need is security. Who should sit behind the wheel? Of course, adults; always the adult ego state. Our logical side, which also includes emotions, our "here and now" side, our problem-solving side; Most importantly, who protects and loves the child within us, "I am here now, do not be afraid!" , "I protect you!" The part of us that says.
FLOWER
Plant a flower in a pot and then stand over it and say, "Come on, open it, open it, why don't you open it, you?" stupid flower, what are you waiting for, grow, develop, flourish!!” You don't say; Even if you say so, it won't work. You are the one who must match the pace of development of the flower. Yes, you expect the flower to do whatever its nature is, but this waiting should be at its pace, in its footsteps. You don't curse it, you don't curse it, you don't insult it, you don't belittle it, you don't call it incompetent, you don't say you failed because it didn't bloom. "Look, I'll take your flower pot, I'll scatter your soil left and right, I'll tear your little leaves into pieces, I'll make you smoke, I'll throw my cigarette butts on your soil, I'll take your flower pot, bang it on the wall, shake your flower pot!!"
So, what changes when it comes to 'you'? What causes you to do this to yourself/your soul while not harming a flower or any organism outside during the processes where you have to wait and be patient? What would it be like if you gave yourself the same tolerance that you give to outside organisms?
Once you have planted the seed... Sometimes some things are just "Patience"... until that time comes; until that cycle is completed...
ROLES
... She was cold, she dressed her child, she was hungry, she fed her child, she herself She was afraid and protected her child. The child wasn't sure if he was satisfied because he wasn't sure about this topic. Only his mother knew. He didn't feel competent to decide whether he was cold or not. Like everything else, he learned fear from outside knowledge. Just like that, the child lost the signals his body gave him. His mother thought her child was 'her'. Then this child grew up and became an adult. He wasn't sure about many things. He presented the things that would be good for him to the approval of the environment. His body had become a radar with lost signal, he could not get back on track. He cannot make decisions alone, he cannot be sure of the decisions he makes; He could no longer notice what his body would do if he got angry, excited, sad or happy. Really, who was he? He wasn't sure. However, the body knew everything?
Maybe he had to hand over those roles that belonged to his mother to her and write a new script for himself. This time he would be both a screenwriter, director and actor. He would get to know himself while writing, controlling some processes, and subtly playing his role. This was really a big meeting!
"SO..."
Why do the experts say "I'm a smart girl", "oh my" Don't say "my good boy" he says? What's wrong with being smart and well-behaved? However, they are powerful reinforcements that lead to very "positive" behavior. A child who absorbs all the reinforcements given in order to exist within the family. Because there is a need to be approved and loved. He can't express himself at all while walking around wearing his "smart kid" dress. "Smart children" do not talk, do not object, do not say "no", do not stomp; He just listens and implements it.
When you look from the outside, he is such a harmonious person, everyone loves him very much, he doesn't hurt anyone, he doesn't upset anyone, he helps everyone, he is our cornerstone, the pillar of the family. These are the people we call indispensable for the workplace. If you touch them, they will burst into tears. Because they never lived the life they wanted and they learned never to express their wishes. They have reached a dead end in the whirlpool of their emotions that they do not show to anyone. From the outside, he is naive and thoughtful; From the inside, they are depressed and sad. They see saying "no" not as a necessity, but as rudeness and deviating from the path set for them. They do not draw a path, they follow the drawn path. This is their conflict in this life.
Sometimes, it is the things that have been "that way" for as long as you can remember that hurt you.
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