Mourning is a process of thought, emotion and behavior that includes all of a person's reactions to the loss of a relative or a loved object. In the mourning experience, which is one of the greatest pains of life, although there are individual differences, similar emotions are experienced and similar reactions are given.
The concept of mourning refers to the adaptation reactions given to this loss in people who have experienced a loss, and mourning is a process that must be completed until the end. It is a process that makes it possible to separate from the deceased only at the end (Bildik 2013).
Loss of parents in children
Loss of parents, which is an important life event, affects the lives of individuals. Although it is a situation they may encounter at any time, it becomes more critical for children. Children who have lost their parents and are in the mourning process need to be handled correctly. (Attepe, 2010).
A child may feel sad and cry about the death of a pet because he can bear it. However, they may not show signs of sadness in the face of the death of their parents, because they are not old enough to endure this sadness (Oral, 2012).
The loss of a parent is a very traumatic situation for the child. The development of children who are still developing will be disrupted if their support systems decrease and their biopsychosocial needs are not met after the loss of a parent.
Between the first 6-9 months, the baby recognizes its mother and can accept the person who takes her place and takes care of her after the loss of the mother. However, after 9 months, if the baby has formed very good bonds with the deceased mother, he may very quickly protest or not accept the person who will replace him. It is seen that the loss experienced by babies can reach a level that affects their entire lives after the first 9 months of their lives (Attepe, 2010).
Children between the ages of 2-5 do not understand that death is the end. “Can't we help my father come back from the grave?” or “When will my sister come back?” They ask questions like: They do not understand how the body and body parts work, death is a reversible process for them, they cannot comprehend that a person is gone forever (Dyregrov, 2000).
At this age, children also have a lot to answer about burial. They ask difficult questions: The earth and gold of the dead These are questions about how they move, what they eat and drink, and how they breathe. These questions prove that children have difficulty in embracing the idea that death is an end, an irreversible ending (Yörükoğlu, 2003).
Child-adult mourning differences
Grief in children is often cyclical. With each new developmental period, the child may repeat his/her feelings and behaviors related to death. A child who experienced the loss of a parent in early childhood may show grief reactions again during adolescence, even though time has passed (Willis 2002).
The perception of time and the reference to time in children are different from adults. While adults have life experiences that things will change and things will get better over time, children's experiences in this regard remain quite limited.
In addition, the mourning process in childhood, when it is difficult to understand the concept of death with its irreversibility and ending elements, is different from the process seen in adults. It occurs differently and is considered a more challenging experience (Kaufman & Kaufman 2005).
The child's conceptual perception of death, which is an inevitable reality, varies depending on his age, level of development and personality traits. For this, it is necessary to make explanations appropriate to the child's age and developmental period. In this process, it is essential to ensure that the child expresses himself, to reveal his emotions, and to make age-appropriate explanations. It would be beneficial for the adults around the child to be sensitive to the signs of grief and to seek help from professionals if deemed necessary (Attepe, 2010).
The most important thing to know when talking about death with children is what the children know about it and the other is what they know about it. It's what they don't know. If there is fear, discomfort or misinformation, it is possible to eliminate fear, anxiety and confusion by providing the necessary information. (Yıldız, 2004).
By paying attention to what they say, their interests on this issue should be respected and they should be encouraged to communicate. Clear, honest and comforting information makes many things easier.
It is important that explanations about the death be made in a clear, understandable and simple way, at a time when the child needs this information. Explaining death by associating it with concepts such as sleep, illness, going away, old age should be avoided.
Some reactions of the child who has experienced loss that should be taken into consideration are as follows:
Change in school success. , low success despite trying hard, violent refusal to go to school, sleep, play with peers, refusal to talk about the deceased, physical avoidance of things belonging to the deceased, frequent tantrums, angry reactions, hyperactivity, constant movement in regular games, restlessness, anxiety and phobias, accidental movements, self-blame or attention-seeking, sleep disorders, night nightmares, stealing, aggression, destructive behavior, etc., aggression lasting more than 6 months, attack on the rights of others, violence, rebelliousness, defiance of authority figures, often unexplained moodiness seizures, social withdrawal, alcohol or substance addiction, inability to cope with daily activities or problems, persistent physical complaints, thoughts of death, loss of appetite, depressive tendencies due to sleep disorders, long-term absence of emotions, frequent panic attacks (Yıldız, 2004). /p>
To give a few suggestions to adults about helping children who are experiencing loss
:
1. Open and honest communication with your child is crucial in situations of loss; Make explanations about the loss to your child appropriate to his age and developmental level. To explain to them what life and birth mean, tell them that living things are born, grow, grow old and die, and if necessary, give examples from animals in the environment (for example, cats, dogs, birds, etc.).
2. Stay away from abstract explanations to prevent confusion in your child. For example, do not explain death as some kind of journey or journey.
3. Avoid suddenly telling your child about the death of a relative; This may cause him to go into shock. In such cases, the incident should be explained to the child gradually (having an accident, being hospitalized, etc.) and despite all efforts, It should be noted that it cannot be scanned. In the meantime, you can share your child's reactions and support him/her.
4. Allow your child to ask questions and talk as you explain. During this period, your child may ask the same questions over and over again. Approach him/her with patience and try to be consistent in your answers. In other words, describe the incident without changing anything and tell him that the survivors are safe.
5. Look at photo albums with your child.
6. It is important to make the loss real for the child. Therefore, allow your child to attend the funeral. Visit cemeteries with him.
7. Do not hide your own feelings from your child, and most importantly, do not remove things that will remind you of the deceased.
8. To help your child cope with death and loss emotionally, prevent unnecessary separations (such as not leaving the child with relatives for a while so that he/she does not witness what happened during this process).
9. Talk to your child about his/her fears that something will happen to his/her parents or himself/herself and the feelings of guilt that may arise.
10. Do not try to prevent your child from being upset. Instead, share his sadness.
Kübler-Ross (1997) says, “Let the relative of the deceased talk, cry or shout if necessary. Let him pour out and share his feelings, but always be there for him. He emphasized the importance of experiencing emotions such as "Although the problems of the deceased have been resolved, there is a long time for the relative to mourn."
11. Do not make any changes in your child's environment, relationships and daily activities in the period following the loss. Demonstrate a consistent attitude that continues to meet your child's daily needs.
12. In some cases, your child may need to seek professional psychological help.
Read: 0
