Nowadays, we see many parents making complaints such as 'My child does not listen to me, does not care about what I say and even ignores me.' Sometimes, when things become difficult, many parents resort to getting help from a specialist. So why do parent and child become polar opposites? In addition to many psychological and physiological reasons, communication problems within the family may underlie this situation. If the child does not have a physiological disorder such as autism, ADHD (attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder), speech and language problems, the underlying cause of the situation is often the disagreements between the parents or their inconsistent behavior towards the child. Examples of this situation include one parent being overly interested in the child while the other is careless and irresponsible, or one parent having a soft attitude in communicating with the child while the other has a harsh attitude. Sometimes, verbal inconsistencies between parents can also cause this situation. For example; Speech forms called two-way messages, such as the mother reminding the child of bedtime when it is time to sleep and the father stating that there is no harm in watching television a little more and then sleeping, create a cognitive conflict in the child, and the child tries to overcome this cognitive contradiction by reacting to the parent. The child sometimes reacts by not listening to the parents or by opposing them. Sometimes children show these reactions by exhibiting impulse control disorder, aggressive behavior or backward behaviors called regression, such as enuresis (bedwetting) and thumb sucking.
In such cases, when the family consults a specialist, the specialist finds an organic cause in solving the problem. Unless it is, it usually works on parental behavior. Systematic approaches are applied to solve the problem by collaborating with parents. Problems within the family are revealed and parents are encouraged to cooperate in joint action. Therapies such as play therapy or fairy tale therapy are often used with children. In addition to these, psycho-education is provided to the family by holding meetings with the family, and Cognitive Behavioral or Solution Focused methods are applied.
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