This style, which appears as the earliest mother-infant relationship covering the first 1 year of life, is a stage where babies can make decisions about their lives. We now know that attachment has very important effects on the human offspring. These effects, starting from the earliest period of the human offspring, show themselves throughout life and affect their relations with the other. In addition, it is a known fact that attachment has a direct effect on the functioning of the brain. The infant-mother relationship is also directly related to the mother's own attachment. Although these relationships show themselves in partner relationships, the place where they are most visible is the stage of motherhood. The fact that Alice Miller states in her drama of the gifted child that parents have a secret, dark backyard and that only children can enter it is a complete reference to this point. When establishing a relationship, our priority is always what we have in ourselves and what we can give to the other party.
The human cub is the only creature that needs care the longest. So much so that it can survive without an other for a long enough time. For this reason, if we take into account the spiritual dimensions of the relationship that the human cub establishes with one another, we will encounter a not insignificant interiority. From the first moment a baby is born, he begins to experience every moment of the other, and his chances of survival depend on it. During the second world war, John Bowlby conducts an experiment with babies in need of care in a baby hospital where he worked with Mary Ainsworth and divides the babies into two groups for this experiment. Infants in the first group are given bodily contact and feeding, while infants in the second group are given nutritional care only for their survival. The relationship between babies who are loved, talked and fed, and babies who are exclusively fed, covered by caregivers is tracked. Unfortunately, after a while, there is a serious increase in the death rate of babies who are only fed but never contacted, and this experiment is a sad accompaniment to the birth of Bowlby's attachment theory. Thus, this experiment will show us that attachment is established with a physical, spiritual and mental field.
Neurological Level of Attachment
Two levels in the autonomic nervous system in our brain that keep us alive There are: sympathetic and parasympathetic phases. don't look at Although the religion is sympathetic, its operation is not that cute at all. The sympathetic stage is the area of the autonomic nervous system that delivers the fight-flight or freeze message, that is, it reacts to danger. Imagine yourself suddenly facing a lion in the jungle, this is the system that will alert you to keep you alive. When the sympathetic system comes into play, pupil dilation, increased adrenaline to activate the muscles, increased secretion of salivary glands, increased heart rate and cortisol secretion, which we call the stress hormone, occur at this stage and warn you against danger; fight-flight or don't.
The parasympathetic phase, on the other hand, ensures that the brain can regulate in the alert state, uses its calming skills, slows down the pulse, normalizes the pupils, slows the heartbeat in breathing and normal release of stress hormone; There is no danger, you are fine.
How will the newborn activate these houses? This is where the newborn and caregiver relationship comes into play and the autonomic nervous system manifests itself.
The baby, who is still in the pre-verbal period, cries to explain his needs to the caregiver. At this very moment, the most primitive system, the sympathetic phase, comes into play; “There is a danger because I have intense emotions coming from within and I am not good enough to deal with it”. If the caregiver or mother can read these cries well enough and make good enough contact with the baby to hold and contain the baby, she will move the baby from the sympathetic system to the parasympathetic system, giving the message “don't worry, I'm with you, you're safe”, only with a safe tone of voice and a hug. By saying, "Shhh, I'm here, I came, I heard you and passed". If these messages are not read well enough or if they get a response after a long time, the baby does not know the strength to get himself out of the sympathetic phase, and the stress hormone secreted for a long time will not decrease, and it may cause damage to both the brain functioning and emotional processes of the baby. Considering that learning is also related to emotional competence, this is not a process that should be overlooked.
Attachment styles
Secure attachment: First in a good enough mother-infant relationship for one year, the caregiver has no difficulty in responding to the infant's needs, inclusion-holding It will allow the newborn to internalize the perception that his/her place is safe so that the baby stays safe in the relationship. The baby, who is sure that he will come even if he leaves the mother or caregiver, will thus be more willing to explore, learn and wonder. Even if the mother is far away from him or the baby/child wants to go away, he will do this easily and will know the mother is still there when he returns. As the basic sense of trust is established in securely attached babies, the mother will remain in her mind as someone who goes but comes. The presence of the mother, who is kept in this mind in long-term separations, will provide a safe separation to the baby/child instead of an alarming separation. In addition, even if securely attached babies protest their mother's absence momentarily and start to cry at the first distance, it will be more comfortable and easier for the baby to calm down and return to activities of interest when the mother comes. In the future, the relationships established in securely attached babies will be more extroverted and easier to establish relationships. In addition, the secure attachment style will enable the baby to develop self-esteem, self-efficacy, self-love, self-regulation, sensitivity to his needs, and negotiation skills without any strain on self-perception during the ongoing developmental period. : In the early period, the relationship between the baby and the caregiver is very intense, worrying, the separation cannot be ensured as if something will happen at any moment, or the difficulties that occur in meeting the needs of the baby as a result of falling tolerance, the feelings of helplessness felt in the mother or the caregiver against the baby's cries. Intense transmission to the baby, panics and worries about meeting the needs of the baby can cause a bonding between the baby and the mother. A relationship called symbiosis, in which the needs of the mother and the baby are intertwined, may emerge; “I am hungry or if he is hungry, I have to feed him immediately”. It will be very dangerous and scary to get away from the mother in anxiously attached babies, because the baby's feeling that his own needs are not in an area where his needs are met calmly and adequately, the worry of "something will happen to him at any moment" in childhood or the mother's anxiety. With the phantasies of "I have to meet all their needs, but nothing happens", which comes with the desire to be a much better mother, babies/children will experience the anxiety of their own existence in cases where they need to be separated from the mother. Thus, the fear of being without a mother in the environments they enter will be frightening, difficulties in separating from the mother, much more clinging and weak self-perceptions will emerge. This inconsistent and sometimes absent relationship may cause constant crying, developing dependent relationship models and shaking in basic trust in infants/children due to difficulties in relieving themselves.
Avoid attachment: Attachment It is a situation that usually occurs in the broken relationships of the mother and the baby. Intense situations such as the caregiver's unresponsiveness to the baby's calls for too long, contact messages that cannot be established with the baby, the mother's distance from the baby, tense and angry approaches, severe and intense intolerance to the baby's needs, strict education or punishments, and unresponsiveness to the crying baby to shut up on his own. Negative situations will cause a lot of shaking in the basic insecurity for the baby. With this attachment, the baby may no longer perceive that neither himself nor others are safe in the outside world. During separation from the mother, situations such as not being affected, not reacting, not being able to stay in a relationship, and having difficulties in recognizing their feelings may be encountered. These babies/children may experience broken relationships in the future, and they may react aggressively with a sense of broken trust in their relationships, experience constant difficulties with the other, and even experience intense decreases in their empathy levels. They may become individuals who cannot empathize, cannot respond to/understand the needs of others because they cannot get answers to their own needs, and are worried about being attached to others. attachment model. It develops as a result of intense deterioration in the first year of the baby. As a result of the baby being separated from the mother or caregiver for a long time, eye contact, feeling his presence in the other, insensitivity in meeting his needs, and deterioration in internal/external satisfaction and relaxation functions, these babies can not feel themselves. They attract in the world. Babies whose relationship with the other is impaired forms a wall they build to protect themselves in their inner world and they are stuck there. For this reason, they appear to the outside world as “as if they are not there”. In these infants/children, decreased external curiosity, disorganization, disorganized mind and body, slowing of movements, freezing and disconnections in emotional connections begin to be seen. They may become more mechanical individuals in the future.
Attachment-Separation
Mahler does not necessarily ignore the effect of attachment styles when talking about the separation-individuation process. According to Mahler, a sufficiently secure relational environment is necessary for separation. As long as babies find a safe separation area from their mothers, they will be able to see the areas of individuation more clearly, they will develop curiosity towards that area and they will start to explore. These discoveries can sometimes be challenging, but they are necessary. If this area is safe and good enough for them, the baby/child will be separated from the mother as easily as possible, and they will know that they will come back when they need it, and their curiosity to explore will become stronger. Mahler also defines separation-individuation as follows: separation is the common life that the child establishes with the mother. exiting the area/common need period, and individuation are the achievements of the child, which are the signs of acceptance of the individual character in himself. In other words, the child needs a safe space to get away from the mother and experiences where he can see himself in order to understand what he is. This is exactly where self-development occurs; “what am I”.
Psychologist Gonca Cihan
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