First of all, I would like to point out that, although the expression "therapist" used in the title and to be used in the text,
may contain theoretical errors, it has been used considering its daily usage in Turkish and what is mostly meant in these
uses. ; It is used instead of the titles “Psychologist”, “Psychological Counselor”
and “Psychotherapist”, that is, in the sense of “Mental Health Specialist”.
The choice of a single name is both for ease of expression and because no matter what approach a mental health specialist works with, his/her work and approach are based on therapeutic theories.
Essentially, the concept that is meant is the whole of psychological assistance services that include the client-
counselor relationship.
Advice is cheap, even a poet said: "Those who give advice are those who do not pay the price." says about those who give advice
Anyone can give advice about anything, because he is not taking responsibility, he is speaking from a position from which he can easily step aside.
Recommendation places the entire burden on the person being recommended, thus the giver of the advice absolves himself of responsibility.
Advice is a painkiller, it just prevents the feeling of pain for a while, but it is unrelated to the source of the pain.
Advice is often a quick band-aid type of intervention applied to a serious wound.
It does not heal the wound, it just makes it go away.
One of the first skills therapists learn will later be perhaps the most difficult for both themselves and their clients.
“Sitting in silence”. Ultimately, your therapist is, in a sense,
a specialized, trained listener; It's not an advice machine.
Of course, none of this means that your therapist just looks at you and listens throughout your meetings.
Any therapist actively monitors recurring, specific signals in you; which you can then use to structure your dialogues over time and guide its course as it will benefit you. will use it to k
da.
Now, I will try to cover the things a therapist follows in you, in your words and in your silences, in three parts.
First, the therapist listens to hear what you really want. This is precisely why advice is/will remain ineffective in the consultancy process; Because the therapist cannot tell you anything about what you really want, where you want to go, only you can know that. Ultimately,
you still have the answers to your questions; Maybe those answers are hiding under your expectations, maybe your dreams, maybe your hopes, waiting for you to find them there.
The therapist's function for you is, in a sense, as Winnicott stated when he said, "Hiding is fun, but never being found is a disaster."
This game of hide and seek is a game for you. >In order for it not to turn into a disaster, it will play your game with you, in your language, and accompany you.
Second, the therapist listens to your tone. Because it is not what you say, but how you say it, what way of saying it that you choose, that gets you to where you are.
Therefore, for the therapist, your speech itself is as important as what you say, even the words you choose and your body language when using them, as well as your expressions. To put it simply, if you need to use the expression "I wish" a lot, it means that you are focused on the past and what happened in the past. .
The "what if" statements will give your therapist an idea about the level of stress you are experiencing in certain situations, as you begin to realize that what you say is "heard" in these aspects as well. It will mean that you will start to hear in yourself the things that you have closed your ears to.
Because you can now begin to distinguish what you are being “heard” and even what has not been “heard” in you until now, and the emotional changes this creates. e
Of course it will be a part of your process, and it will be healing for you. And of course,
in one respect, the most important part of your speech/style: the gaps and silences. There is someone in front of you that you are sure will listen to you without finding it strange,
and you remain silent,
images and thoughts are floating around in your mind, maybe you can say it without making it perfect because you know that you will be heard.
You don't want them, or maybe you feel so relieved that you get benefits from even talking to your therapist from time to time about being there.
The therapist listens to these gaps just like your conversations, and becomes one with your silence.
Third, the therapist listens to your emotions that you have closed your eyes and ears to, that you do not want to see or hear, that you have forgotten, or perhaps hidden behind. Because you are in them, with them, but you cannot see yourself together with your emotions, you will need a mirror for a while.
In short, the therapist does not give advice on how to do these things. Symbolically, a therapist
takes his client's hands and takes a walk with him into his world. It is the client himself who draws the path, and the therapist only accompanies him. The therapist and the client go on a walk together,
towards the places where the client got stuck in the past, the places where he/she saw deficiencies, the things he/she may not have cared about or remembered, his/her separations, and traumas. This exploration continues until the client
is completely lost, unable to find his way back on his own; because
To find and be found, one must first be lost. At that stage, he will experience confusion, feel tired and want to give up; He will show compulsions to repeat similar things even though he knows that it has not been functional for him up to that point.
At this stage, the therapist
shows the client breadcrumbs that will help him find the way; that is, he gives back to the client what he heard from his
conversations and It waits for the client to find the way out or back.
He accompanies him by asking some questions and pointing out clues; Thus,
the client will be able to make the tools that will help him get out of his confusion, or he will be able to begin to see that he has the ability to repair what he has.
The next session will be exactly like the previous one, the first session will be exactly like the third, and the second will be exactly like the second, until
the client has gone far enough to learn to find his own way out of his own confusions.
. And when he finds it, when he is sure that what he finds is what he is looking for; There it is.
there the therapy is completed.
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