There are many understandings of motherhood in our society, especially those who forget themselves after becoming a mother and gaining the title of mother, who cannot care for themselves as before, or whose priority is always the child. As commitment to this concept increases, it can now frame the boundaries of life, from "I live for my child" to "If I didn't have a child, I would get divorced" or "I would/wouldn't do this or that." First of all, as a mother, the obligation to raise a life that you have to care for and is completely dependent on you can sometimes go to very wrong places. So much so that while the value of children is indisputable, a mother giving up herself for her child can pose the biggest threat. First of all, this threat begins to directly reduce the quality of life in many internal and external aspects, such as the person's inability to do what he used to do, his inability to spare time for himself, his physical appearance changing, his psychological state becoming tense.
A person who cannot care for himself may be overwhelmed by excessive responsibility and may experience anxiety or depression by feeling intense pressure. Symptoms such as the inability of a depressed person to care for himself, a feeling of helplessness, depression, insomnia, loss of appetite or inability to concentrate can also manifest themselves in excessive mothering. At the same time, along with anxiety, the person may be poisoned by intense anxiety, excitement and negative thoughts. While all these are just some of the psychological effects that can be experienced, women who neglect themselves may become too caught up in the role of motherhood and their relationships with their spouses may also suffer. As the balance of the person's motherhood role is disrupted, the role of companionship may begin to get stuck. In this context, turning away from yourself and your partner and devoting yourself to motherhood may also cause relationship problems. However, marriage is about being able to be us by preserving the areas of me and you. However, people who destroy the ego field may also be unbalanced in other areas. A man who cannot see his wife physically or psychologically as he used to, may turn into a man who cannot touch his wife as he used to, who has become overly concerned with the sanctity of the maternal role. These situations can create a snowballing effect, leading to estrangement between spouses, arguments, and even invitations to third parties. Considering the relationship dimension, the father plays a role especially in the life change of the mother with the baby. Having a baby and the father being able to take on the same responsibilities for the baby also nourishes the couple's relationship. The bond, tasks or time spent by the father with the baby or child are very positive for both the child and the mother and father. Especially in this new period, the person who has become a new father needs to learn this role and accompany him. The father's sharing of the child's needs is never helping the mother; It should be perceived as something that needs to be done as a father. It should not be forgotten that not only women become mothers with a baby, but also men become fathers! Therefore, it is necessary to balance the fatherhood area with the motherhood area, not suppress it.
It is very important to realize that excessive motherhood benefits the person as well as the child. The first step is to purify mothers from the perspective of "I live for my child." The first thing a mother needs to contribute to her child is to be healthy and happy. This sentence should definitely not be perceived as child neglect. A mother who has psychological distress or is not healthy cannot give her child health, happiness and peace. That's why we have to have what we want to give to others. Everything that is shared must be ours first. Then, if we learn to live for ourselves first, we can manage to live happily and healthily with our spouse and children.
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