How would you feel if they said that the phenomenon of love, which everyone has felt at least once, expands in our body and soul and changes us, even making us more anxious people than we are? You'd probably agree. According to research, love reduces the hormone serotonin, popularly known as the hormone of happiness, and instead causes dopamine, known as the hormone of excitement and adrenaline, to be secreted more in our body. This puts the person in a more anxious and excited mood. While people's ability to think quickly and irrationally increases with the energy given by this hormone, losing their inner peace can make love tiring and violent. So, does all this last a lifetime or does it have a certain duration? Good news; Yes there is! As a result of research, the average lifespan of love has been determined as 2.5 years. In people who get through this process as undamaged as possible, their serotonin levels increase and their dopamine levels return to normal. Couples who have managed to establish a secure attachment over the past period will feel more peaceful, and love will gradually give way to habit, a certain routine in which couples feel safer.
Does Love Really Bring Unhappiness?
So what is this secure attachment? In fact, the attachment adventure begins with the relationship we establish with our primary caregiver (mostly the mother), which begins with our birth. The first place where a person can recognize and develop the sense of "trust" in a healthy way is the person who gives this primary care. Of course, this attachment may not always be healthy. If a person grows up with a fear of abandonment or cannot establish a healthy relationship with a caregiver in the early stages of life, the structure we call anxious attachment emerges, and this structure is reflected in bilateral relations in adulthood. This structure results in the person having a restless, questioning and controlling nature. As we just mentioned, the increase in dopamine can make these behaviors more severe than normal. The good news is that the person with this type of behavior is as uncomfortable as the person exposed to it and knows that they need to change. While a person can solve this situation with the help of an expert, it is also possible for the person we call Self-Help to educate himself and increase his personal development. It can be a special beginning.
Leaving the topic of self-help to another article, I would now like to briefly talk about secure attachment: Secure attachment occurs in line with the respect and trust a person has for himself, and he approaches the other person with the same respect and trust in his relationships. . This attachment schema does not contain elements such as unnecessary anxiety, despair about the future of the relationship, and negative thoughts. People respect each other's private spaces, that is, their boundaries, and enjoy the time they spend together in quality and peace. Individuals with a secure attachment style do not have problems with forgiveness, they have mental flexibility, they can manage sexuality and emotional closeness together, they have positive thoughts about themselves and their partners, and they do not doubt. If you think you cannot see these characteristics in yourself, your attachment style is probably not secure.
So let's talk about a few changes you need to make to prepare your mind and relationships for secure attachment:
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Open your heart and become a prophet. Don't do it (I will definitely be deceived again, he will not tolerate me, this one is like the others, etc.).
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Be careful to be constructive, not destructive, during conflict.
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Make your communication quality and effective.
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Share your concerns.
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Do not hesitate to get or ask for help.
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Remember, change happens from the inside out.
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