Confidence is one of the two basic elements that improve self-confidence the most. Children's self-confidence can develop very strongly in families and schools where there is trust. Because it has been proven that people who think that the future is worried, worrisome and frightening have a slowdown in their brain activities, and even decreases in their intelligence levels.
Unfortunately, in this sense, I observe that we have problems in giving healthy messages to our children.
Against our children, "if you can't win a good department, no one cares about you", "There are three universities, they also have certain departments, you won, your life will be saved; You didn't win, you'd crawl." We can have statements. Or we sometimes say to a seven-year-old boy who says, “I will be an archaeologist when I grow up,” “As if you can find a job when you become an archaeologist, you wander around hungry.” indicates that it is almost certain to come. In addition, those who receive these messages are told that "you are not capable of doing anything in such situations, I do not see you like that". All of these messages are self-destructive. Worry and anxiety are expressions that suggest that the child will not be able to do anything in the face of this bad future. understands that it is necessary to prepare well for the exam and is motivated. In this way, its future will also be saved.”
However, in this case, we come across 3 main problem areas.
The first one; It is the answer to why the child should work. If we talk to the child, he will say to us: “The future is frightening, the only way to get rid of that frightening environment is to go to A university and not necessarily to B department. So I have to work hard.” Research shows that; This kind of fear-focused perspective increases the level of anxiety a lot, which both limits brain activities and negatively affects performance (ie, preparing for the exam correctly and performance during the exam).
Latter; Let's say the kid didn't win that section, or even won any place. In this case, the child may begin to see himself as inadequate, unsuccessful and worthless, and this will negatively affect his whole life. Even if he likes himself and finds it sufficient, he will not be able to establish a healthy relationship with those people, even if he is not aware of it, because he will describe the people who have not won as worthless and unsuccessful. This may have an undesirable effect on self-confidence.
Children's self-confidence will develop in an environment where trust is strongly experienced. On the other hand, our children's self-confidence will be stronger in environments where messages are given that the future is not a place full of anxiety and worry, but a place where struggle and effort is required, and where there are ways to cope with problems, even if there are problems.
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