One of the common problems of recent years is that the concepts of home and roommate are used interchangeably. This is not a misuse of Turkish. These are mistakes that arise from the fact that we see the life we live differently.
First of all, what are home and house friendship?
The home is in the spouses and children. It is a system where people find peace, feel longing if they are apart, and live in harmony based on respect, love and trust, which is desired to be achieved quickly after school or work. Room friendship is; It is a system built on mutual satisfaction and benefits, where people do not understand each other, cannot speak the same language, and do not share.
So now, let's think about our marriages, is our marriage really a home or a roommate?
I feel like I hear many people say, "Sir, we actually think of our marriage as a home, but we are living as roommates." Yes, you and millions of people like you live with their spouses only as roommates.
When we look at the reasons why our marriages are roommates rather than homes, we see that we made mistakes in choosing our spouses from the very beginning. We see that during the counseling process, the lady or gentleman has chosen as their spouses people who do not have characteristics that they do not have or cannot carry. Don't immediately think of bad characteristics; the woman is a primary school graduate but wanted a university graduate and got married; one of the couples married a romantic person even though they were not romantic; or one of the spouses was not responsible; one of them married a principled, responsible person; or a person who did not care about their appearance; they married a very well-groomed spouse, etc. When choosing a spouse, thousands of couples must first know themselves, then know what they expect from a man or a woman, and finally question whether they can support this person.
The essentials of marriage are balance and harmony.
Another reason for roommates is expectations. In recent years, couples have been caught up in an ideology of love, with the influence of the media, and have had maximum expectations from their marriages. is. Because their expectations were high, they were unable to see the small steps their spouses took for happiness. By nature, human beings will not continue to take small steps unless they are appreciated, or, in other words, they will start taking those steps to other people for whom they are appreciated. When we reduce our expectations from our marriages, happiness will come with it.
Why can't couples manage to become a home? Because couples do not understand each other's language, it is as if the man speaks French and the woman speaks German in the same house. They do not understand each other, they cannot express their troubles, troubles and happiness. When we look at the basic needs of humans, understanding stands out. What your spouses need is not to agree and make the same decisions, but to make him feel that you understand him and to reject his decision by respecting it. You are not two halves of the same apple, you are different, your clothing, your family structure and above all your gender are different, so it is normal that you cannot speak the same language. However, you should learn each other's language and make them feel that you understand each other.
Finally, we see that marriages are built on interests. Everything is requested from the very beginning. A good job, a nice house, a luxury car, a perfect wedding with the support of their families are offered to couples right before they get married. For this reason, we encounter two situations in couples.
Firstly, couples who have achieved many things do not have a goal to achieve by winning by fighting as a single fist, and marriage does not give excitement to couples individually. Secondly, couples find it easy to achieve the things they need to achieve. They cannot learn to be patient because of what they have achieved.
They are impatient in their requests towards each other and, forgetting that they are spouses, they pressure them to obey the rules of the house, just like a roommate. Instead of nurturing each other in terms of love, respect and trust, which are their main needs, they think that they fulfill certain duties and do everything for the sake of their relationship.
The woman should; do the housework perfectly and cook delicious meals. It is thought that fulfilling duties such as grooming and taking care of children's self-care will be sufficient to become a home. For this reason, men and women begin to turn to other people because they cannot feel love and trust.
Unfortunately, it is not the home that is destroyed in the deceptions that occur in this way of life, but the housemate.
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