My Job, My Career, My Baby, My Family's Future...
We talked with Developmental Psychology Specialist Burçin DEMİRKAN BAYTAR about the issues that parents focus on most about choosing a caregiver. Many mothers, whether working or not, need support in child care. Moreover, especially in big cities, close relatives such as aunts and uncles cannot provide as much social support as they used to. While a mother with a baby tries to take care of her baby, she also needs arrangements regarding her other responsibilities. Moreover, if there are children who were born before the new baby and are trying to grow up, it is also important to consider their mental health. During this period, parents are looking for support in baby care and different solutions come into play. In my 14 years of professional life, I have always encountered the same question.
Who should take care of my baby?
For years, I have observed the effects of caregivers on many children. In my Developmental Psychology Master's thesis topic, I studied the effect of caregiver attitudes on delayed speech. Experience has a lot to do with choosing a subject. Of course, my teacher also has a great contribution... Mother, father, caregiver, grandmother, grandfather and nursery all take part in the baby's care. Sometimes caregivers are more than one person. If caregivers have problems, the child is likely to have problems. Moreover, it is very important that there is a unity of attitude among caregivers. Parents and other people should take a similar approach to the baby and child. The importance of caregivers in the emotional and cognitive development of babies and children is such a comprehensive topic that it is possible to write a book on it. What kind of problems do children experience when caregivers have problems?
This problem sometimes becomes obsessions. Sometimes hyperactivity, sometimes stuttering, speech delay. I could list a long list, but I cannot always say that the person who cares for a child with such problems is problematic. After all, every child has his or her own unique story.
What are the factors that affect emotional development in infancy?
The most important role in ensuring healthy emotional development during infancy falls on parents. Since most mothers and fathers work hard in today's conditions, grandmothers, grandfathers, professional caregivers and nurseries also play a role in baby care. but none of them act as parents. The concept of attachment in infancy is very important. The attachment process develops positively with the positive reactions of the parents and other caregivers of the baby. In establishing a sense of trust in the baby, it is very important that the attitudes of caregivers are reassuring and comforting. Therefore, who cares for the baby is as important as how they look after it. The feelings and behaviors of caregivers all play an important role in raising a healthy baby and a healthy child. These emotions and behaviors also affect the child's mental and physical development. For this reason, the mental health of the caregiver is one of the most important details. There are many related topics that can be talked about at length on this subject. Do you think a depressed mother can give good care to her child? Of course he can't. At what age is leaving a baby with a caregiver dangerous for its psychological development? Do you have any suggestions such as not leaving your child while he is still alive? From where? There is a strong bond that develops between the baby and the caregiver and establishes a sense of trust in the baby. In the period after 6 months, which can be described as until the second half of the first year, the baby begins to attach itself to the caregiver who meets its needs. This attachment process is closely related to the quality of the child's relationship with the baby's primary caregiver, which is the source of many psychopathologies that occur during childhood and adolescence. When I think about it by combining the information in the literature with my experiences, I think it is not right to say the exact age. It varies depending on the dynamics of the family. In my opinion, this issue is a matter of "family and child counseling". Professional support makes the process easier at this stage. A solid investment is made for the baby's future mental health. But at least until the age of one, maternal care is good until the age of 2, if possible. You can start nursery at the age of 2. Children can start pre-school kindergarten education between the ages of 3-3.5. The child at this age becomes more independent in terms of basic care needs. This age is even more appropriate.
But if a mother does not enjoy being with her child all day long and misses her work life, she becomes depressed. The important thing is that the people caring for the child are healthy. Because of such experiences, the age of separation varies from mother to mother and family. I say it depends on the family. In my family studies with children who come to our counseling center with questions such as school phobia and self-confidence problems, I encounter many parents who do not like to play with their children or say that they cannot find the time. Moreover, these mothers do not work. In short, it is important to make room in our lives for the needs of our baby and child, such as play and nutrition, and to enjoy these experiences.
Do you have any advice for the mother to prepare herself and her child/baby for this process?
It would be appropriate to start with small separation processes. After being under someone else's care for half an hour, the baby experiences that its mother has arrived. Then this time zone is gradually opened. Of course, this depends on what age of child we are talking about in this preparation. As I said, it is necessary to structure the things to be done according to age and family. Do you have any advice for the mother on finding a caregiver? What should be paid attention to? The most important criterion should be that the caregiver is educated. I strongly recommend that the selection and training of the caregiver be done with expert support. Also, progress monitoring is very important. Caregivers and grandmothers can tell that the baby's development is on track with traditional knowledge. But unfortunately, sometimes the truth is not like that. For example, they act as if everything is fine with a child who cannot speak in three months, saying that he is a boy and can talk... But it is wrong! If the child's development is followed by a specialist, caregivers will not mislead the parents. Babies will also develop healthily. Is it right to leave the baby/child with a caregiver when relatives such as grandparents have the opportunity to look after them? Which one would you recommend?
I recommend a caregiver who is 25 years of age or older, under the supervision of grandmothers. I think grandmothers cannot keep up with the child's energy. But there are exceptions.
How should the communication between mother and caregiver be?
Always the same question. The real question is "What kind of person should this professional caregiver be?" I can say that it is necessary to communicate respectfully as a member of your family, not as someone working in your home.
What should a mother do when she feels that the baby/child is moving away from her after a while and is closer to the caregiver? What are your recommendations? When a mother comes home, she should make sure to spend quality time with her child regularly. Cho She should spend more time on her child. Is the relationship of a baby left with a caregiver or grandmother at 3-5 months of age affected by the mother's relationship with the mother in later ages? If this is the case, it is important for the mother not to feel guilty, and to spend quality time with the child. And of course, the behavior and attitudes of the caregiver are one of the most important details.
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