When two different individuals get married, both spouses create a system with their desires, wishes, needs and expectations. This system also brings about a change of roles. Being in the role of lover before marriage and then switching to the role of husband and wife after marriage can be cited as an example of role reversal. While new purposes and functions emerge with the system created by marriage, the purposes and functions of being in love may remain in the background. In this context, the change of roles also changes people's expectations from marriage.
Everyone enters marriage with some expectations, needs, desires and desires, whether verbal or unspoken, and expects these to be met. However, since expectations, desires and needs may change within marriage, it is not always possible for them to be met because the goals we expect to be met are affected by some factors.
Factors based on expectations about marriagesometimes cause problems between couples. We can give examples of expectations regarding marriage such as fidelity, devotion, being a family, ongoing support for others, reproduction, shelter, status, and financial support. On the other hand, we enter the marriage system with expectations that we are usually unaware of, but sometimes we are aware of. What we are aware of is that, in addition to the aspects of expectations and needs that are expressed to the spouse, whether accepted by the spouse or not, there are also aspects that cannot be expressed due to anger, shame and fear of rejection. What we are unaware of consists of desires, desires and needs that are often characterized by contradiction. Closeness-distance, dependency-independence, etc. The fact that our partner wants closeness while staying away can be given as an example of this.
On the other hand, in addition to being of biological origin, it is formed under the influence of familial and cultural environments. There are also some factors that arise from the individual's internal needs and desires. These are factors based on our biological determination and mutual agency. "Hidden emotional disorder", which occurs when one partner feels that the expectations are met but the other does not. 'return'can become a factor that affects the functionality of the marriage. Hidden emotional responses may emerge with incompatibilities in some areas. These; These can be exemplified as differences in areas such as independence-dependence, activity-passivity, closeness-distance, use-abuse of power, fear of loneliness or abandonment, the need to dominate and control, love, acceptance of the spouses and each other, and can lead to problems in marriage. For example; When we look at the field of independence-dependence, the fact that one of the spouses needs his spouse when making decisions and taking action, while the other can make decisions on his own without needing, may cause disharmony between couples.
Another factor of marital problems is external focuses. It is not only parents who influence an individual's character. Our character can be affected by the past 7 generations, including our parents' parents. These determinations constitute our repetitive relational behaviors. In this case, our biological and behavior determined by our parents can cause problems between couples in relationships. These problems have some external focus. If we were to give examples of these external focuses, we can say differences in attitudes such as child rearing, frequency of sexual intercourse, money management, as well as relational situations such as political relations, clothes, school, culture, differences in interests.
The individual's internal needs are related to marriage. Their expectations about marriage and the external focus of marital problems affect individuals' desires, desires, needs and expectations. Desires, demands, needs and expectations are sometimes met and sometimes not. If this is not met, relationships become difficult.
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