According to a worldwide study, Turkey is the second country where people show the most anger in daily life (1. Lebanon). Although I have no idea about the accuracy of the research, my observations in daily life confirm this information, unfortunately. When I saw the post above, I wanted to write a humble article on anger. When there is a border violation and an attack on the living things themselves or the situations they care about, the feeling of anger arises and the creature defends your rights and tries to protect itself and what it cares about. For example, anger is highly functional when there is an attack on us or our property, our child. In such a situation, the feeling of anger tries to protect our rights, whether it is fighting or arguing.
So, why is anger harmful? The feeling of anger loses its functionality and turns into a disruptive effect on relationships, when and in which situations it puts us in trouble. This situation usually appears in two ways; Anger as a Maladaptive (incompatible) Emotion: Most of the time, the anger that we define as unexpressed, “throwing into ourselves” accumulates over time and emerges destructively as a result of its triggers when we see ourselves as strong. For example, violence and criticism from family elders and teachers (think of not responding to them) often comes out as an outburst of anger towards our spouse and child. At the same time, it should be noted that this anger is often short-lived, it is described as "extinguish like a flame in a straw". Although this anger is quickly extinguished, this anger unfortunately causes great harm to our friends and family relationships. We mentioned above that the feeling of anger arises at the moment of attack on us, the anger that emerges in this way is defined as the primary emotion. Anger as a secondary emotion is the conversion of other unexpressed emotions such as fear, anxiety, shame into anger. For example, when we can't find the key when we are leaving the house, when our child has poor lessons, or when we call our child to the phone. We also experience anger when we cannot reach with the fund. But there is no attack or border violation against us. Because here is the transformation of emotions such as fear and anxiety into anger, which we are not aware of and cannot express. The question is, is there an attack on me or my loved ones? If the answer is yes, the emotion of anger is the primary true emotion.
The second emotion we should ask is, when I felt anger in similar situations before, did I sting it?
So is this anger a accumulated anger? If your answer is no, don't be afraid to express your anger.
Without thinking that she would be offended and upset. Because someone is offended? The anger that you do not show will cause you and your family to have bad days in the future. . If you say "I thought something bad happened to you, I was scared, I was nervous" instead of shouting at your unreachable child with anger, I think your child will like it and your relationship will be strengthened. It is an extremely functional feeling. A healthy feeling of anger does not spoil our relationships, on the contrary, it makes us protect our boundaries and make us stronger. At the same time, it protects us from back and shoulder pain, night clenching, high blood pressure, headaches, and fibromyalgia. Because these disorders are usually psychosomatic disorders due to intense feelings of anger. I also recommend that people who have difficulty controlling their anger get psychotherapy from a mental health professional.
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