Being a parent has neither a school to attend, nor an education to receive, nor a book to read, nor a movie to watch. That being the case, it is a difficult endeavor. Moreover, we do not have the opportunity to try it in advance or a user manual that we can open and look at when we have difficulty. Perhaps the most challenging part of being a parent is learning through experience, and making mistakes from time to time despite all our good intentions. Every parent can act wrongly; As long as we understand our mistake from the reactions of our children and act carefully next time.
The mistakes we make most often are actually the areas that we, as parents, sometimes struggle with in our adult lives. For this reason, knowing our own good/weaknesses, being aware of the limits of our tolerance, and paying attention to the relationship between spouses are ways to prevent us from repeating our mistakes.
When it comes to raising children, almost all cultures have the same principles; monitoring and control with attention and closeness. Differences arise in what cultures understand from these and how they apply them.
Overprotective and oppressive attitudes have dominated our society for many years. Heavy pressure under the name of discipline overwhelmed the child's soul. We confused being "well-mannered" with being "bored". However, "knowing how to be shy" and "being shy" are two different things. Under heavy pressure and extreme protection, individuals have grown up who stutter even when talking to their teachers, whose face turns red in sweat, who consider speaking in front of a group equal to "death" even though they are university students, who cannot defend their rights, who accept whatever is given, and who do not have the courage to voice the truth.
There is a difference of understanding in our society and today's Western society regarding the discipline to be applied to children. Westerners apply certain sanctions when the child is a baby, that is, when he is very young, in order to raise him in a disciplined manner. For example, it is important for the child to go to bed, sleep and breastfeed at certain times. However, as the child grows, he should be given freedom. Even teaching him right and wrong is an interference with his freedom. In our society, when a child is young, he is very free; even his mischief is tolerated and "he is little." It is called 'k'. As the child grows up, his freedom is restricted, he is not allowed to do everything, and for educational purposes he is told "you are grown up now".
We can better understand the difference between the understanding of education in the West and our society with the example given by Dökmen. “Have you ever observed how walking children climb up a step or a chair? After a few minutes of effort, they rise 15-20 cm above the ground. As soon as they leave, they stand upright and look around like a victorious commander. Because they have done a great job. Now I want to ask you: What would you do if you saw a 14-month-old child sweating and trying to climb onto a couch? Those who do not consciously interfere with children climbing stairs probably prefer to remain spectators in order to "strengthen the child's ego" and "increase his self-confidence". Those of us who help feel responsible; The definition of “parents” in our minds tells us that we should take care of children. Today we are helping him climb the ladder because he “can't do it on his own”; Tomorrow we are helping him with his schoolwork, helping him eat and cleaning the toilet even though he is old enough to do many things on his own. When you apply to university in high school, we help you make your choices; We help him find a job when he graduates from university, we help him get married. Those who watch the child climb the stairs so that his/her self-confidence will increase are trying to strengthen their children. Those of us who help the child, rather than strengthening the child, strengthen the bond between us and the child. Who's doing it right? Both sides! Because both parties display their own style in human relations. There may be rights and wrongs in both our and the Western attitudes. For example, as protective parents, we may be raising a dependent person who will need someone's support throughout life. The Westerner who constantly treats his child as if he were an adult is perhaps raising a self-confident and individualized person; But this person may seek the warmth of the parent-child relationship throughout his life, and he will also pay the price of being too individualistic by being lonely in society. maybe.
So what should we do? It would be beneficial to give up both of the parental attitudes exhibited in two poles above and to turn to a higher level of interaction. In other words, let's not copy the parental attitude in the West; But let's not continue our attitude of excessive involvement with children; Let's just identify our shortcomings and improve our own attitude.
In a certain situation, we can both protect and watch over our child, consider him/her as a person and allow him to become an individual, and also see him as a child and embrace him. Example: Is our child trying to climb a step for the first time in his/her life? If it seems to fall, let's watch it from a distance we can hold (we will be protective parents). But let's not interfere with his coming out (we would be putting the child in the place of a person, trusting him and allowing him to do a job that he can be proud of on his own). When he climbs the steps and becomes happy, let's join his joy with a childlike joy, say "good for you" and kiss him (we will give the child the warmth of a parent he needs). As seen in the example given by Dökmen Hodja, balanced children can grow up with balanced parental attitudes.
Child development is the whole of the child's behaviors and habits. The child will develop in mutual interaction with the environment he/she lives in. His behavior and habits will reflect the family environment in which he grew up and the attitudes of his parents towards him. Parental attitudes towards the child affect his/her behavior and personality development in different ways.
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