Adolescence is a very rapid process of change and transformation. Personality, the foundation of which was laid in the 0-6 age period, has entered a second phase of development that is at least as rapid as that period; Puberty. The parental attitudes we encounter in the 0-6 period lay the foundations of our personality. During adolescence, we see that the seeds planted between the ages of 0-6 grow and flourish and take the shape of a personality. Due to the nature of the period, young people in this period are in search of identity and need to prove themselves. He tries to experience being an individual with a personality independent of his parents. Depending on early childhood experiences and parental attitudes, this process of individualization and identity formation can be carried out in a more harmonious and communicative manner; He may also become closed to communication and reactive.
In this period, it is quite natural and part of the process for the young person to try to prove his identity, to underline his opinion and stance, and to turn to the circle of friends and want to be noticed there.
Parents often complain that they have difficulty communicating with their teenage children and cannot reach them, or they blame the teenager and find their behavior meaningless. Many young people talk about their parents not understanding them during this period and move away from them.
So, what are the ways of communication that will be warmer, calmer, keep bridges strong without burning them, or build bridges if they cannot be built until adolescence?
>Be interested in his interests, be curious.
Be the first to know the identity he is trying to build. This way you will have many new conversation topics. Let him teach you something! Listen to him about the things he enjoys, the areas and activities he spends his time on.
Avoid giving accusatory and critical messages.
Even if this is not your intention, what message do your words convey to him? focus on this. Constantly blaming will force the other party to defend themselves. He will guard you to protect the identity he has just begun to build from being destroyed. Instead, ask him questions that he can answer and explain himself to you.
Abandon the humiliating and condescending attitude.
Instead of belittling his skills and what he can do on his own, support him in these areas. When the time comes when he needs you, he will turn to you.
Try to act naturally.
Do not force yourself to act like a teenager and his peers like his friends. nor be overly authoritarian.
Be honest and open in communication.
Talk to the problem by naming it, without glossing over it.
When the person wants to talk, don't delay or ignore it.
Really listen to him and make time for him. Make eye contact. Communication will be easier when the desire to talk comes from him/her.
Let him/her have a private space.
This space should be psychological as well as physical. . Don't try to know everything. Respect his private space.
Be consistent in what you want from him and in your reactions to him.
Inconsistent reactions harm your child, he cannot understand you, and since he does not know what to expect, he closes himself off to protect himself.
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