Unfortunately, such a distinction exists in our country. Female sexuality and male sexuality. According to the gender equality report of the World Economic Forum in 2016, it will take 117 years for women and men to be equally represented not only in business life, but also for us to be equal. This means many more years for our country. Let alone gender equality in business life, we do not have sexual equality in family life, which is our basic social beginning.
In our country, male-female sexuality consists of a perception of gender that is unconsciously placed in our memories, especially during childhood. My master said to the boy, "Where's the dick? Show me your penis, my child. Show your penis to your uncle, your aunt.” etc. statements... What happens next? The boy believes that he should subconsciously worship such a valued organ. If it were me, I would believe it too! Circumcision ceremonies are held for him, his assets are collected... All the attention is on him. He has the glory and fame. What more! Strangely enough, there are also daughters. Instead of running and hugging her father's neck, she was met with warnings such as "Girls cannot climb on your father's lap, just sit where you are." He is only ten years old, and with his child's mind, he searches for falling beads left and right, with the sentence "You have grown up, don't play on the street, don't run, don't jump, your beads will fall off." He/she begins to experience physical changes, wear loose clothing so that it is not obvious, be silent and hide it so that no one hears it. Officially, one side of us is under the same roof as a wedding association and the other side is like a mourning house. As Zildberg puts it so beautifully, "sexuality is not between our legs, but between our ears."
I must say, unfortunately, that in our country, while men are proud of their sexuality, women are not even aware of their sexuality. For women, sexuality, depending on experience, is sometimes experienced as a pleasant, enjoyable, romantic, warm intimacy, sometimes as an obligation, and sometimes as a source of hesitation and disgust.
It may seem strange at first glance to mention sexuality together with health. However, in order to talk about sexual health, it is a prerequisite that it is not experienced as a necessity. The fact that the main problems of female patients coming to the clinic are either vaginismus or lack of sexual reluctance indicates how problematic this area is for women.
Unfortunately, women's sexual health in our country. and honor are an equation that is difficult to solve. Female sexuality is thought and perceived as honor. As can be seen from CETAD's (2006) research results, according to over 70% of male and female participants, a woman's honor and virginity are directly related.
In other words, a woman's value in society is determined by her sexual inexperience. In order for a woman to be sexually valuable, lovable and marriageable in the eyes of men and society, she must be "honest".
The society that punishes a woman for making love with the person she chooses actually creates a suppressed woman by intimidating and threatening other young girls. It creates sexuality. Therefore, whether the number of honor killings is increasing or not is not that important. The important thing is that the value and sexuality of women in this country can only be verified after social approval and control. This is a cultural climate that negatively affects the health of all women, whether educated or uneducated, working or unemployed, whether in the city or in the countryside.
In fact, in our society in general, our expectations from women before marriage do not match our expectations after marriage. Both natural consequences of this expectation are problematic.
For a woman who has not discovered the sexual side of her body and personality until marriage, her chances of experiencing a satisfying sexuality for marriage are limited. The fact that vaginismus cases in Turkey are several times the world average is just one of these results.
The second result is that young people who experience their sexuality as "secret", "bad", "ugly" until they get married, become He/she has difficulty in becoming a loving and loving spouse and creating a "beautiful", "clean" and satisfying sexuality from the same acts. Accordingly, another one of the most common sexual dysfunctions is sexual reluctance in women.
A woman, whose sexual experiences are not considered correct until marriage, and whose personality, morality and honor are evaluated as one-on-one sexual experiences, cannot enjoy her own body after marriage. It is not easy for a person to receive and therefore give pleasure and to embrace his partner not only with his body but also with his soul and desire. The pressure and censorship she experienced until her marriage has now become internalized. know this It is not easy to break either business or behaviorally. Even if the woman herself wants to defeat, she stands with ossified resistance.
In short, it is obvious that a society that evaluates the value and worth of women according to the practice of experiencing sexuality before marriage, unlike men, cripples not only its women but also its men. In order to protect women just in case, women who grow up in an environment where sexuality is not viewed well will view sexual pleasure as a negative thing. This is a very important obstacle that will affect them from reaching sexual pleasure and reaching their partners. In environments where women's sexuality is so controlled in the name of honor, men also become alienated from their sexuality and necessarily turn to either paid sex or pornography. If around 70-80% of women in a society feel inadequate in terms of quality, men will naturally think that they experience their sexuality inadequately.
Sexuality and sexual pleasure are a human right. This right should not be hindered for healthy individuals, healthy relationships, healthy marriages and a healthy society. It is clear how unbearable homes created by partners who cannot find sexual satisfaction in each other will be for all individuals living there. It is clear that the satisfaction experienced or not experienced in the bedroom will affect the climate of the entire house and create unrest and unhappiness. A woman's right to how to fulfill her sexual potential is a fundamental part of women's human rights. On the other hand, it is clear that a woman who is satisfied with her own body and is not ashamed of taking pleasure will also be a satisfied partner and have happy relationships.
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