As a child and adolescent psychiatrist, I wanted to devote my first article to "psychological resilience", not to psychiatric diseases in children. Unfortunately, we do not have the chance to completely eliminate the difficulties, disappointments and heartaches from life for neither ourselves nor our children. While relatively rare traumas such as wars, migrations, economic crises, and natural disasters, which we call major traumas, have become routine for our country, every child will definitely encounter small traumas that are inevitable in daily life, such as exam stress, problems with friends, and family conflicts.
Since there is no way to escape from difficult life events, what needs to be done is to teach our children to cope with difficulties. In fact, most of us have this coping capacity from birth. We call this capacity "resilience", that is, psychological endurance, psychological strength or psychological flexibility. Among these names, I like the term "psychological flexibility" the most because the more flexible a substance is, the more durable it is. For example, let's compare a bamboo tree and an oak tree; At first glance, you may think that the bamboo tree, with its long, thin and delicate appearance, is much weaker compared to the majestic, hard and strong trunk of the oak, but in strong winds, while that majestic oak tree splits in half and falls down, the long, thin bamboo tree flexes and bends with the wind and after the wind passes, it stands upright. returns to its state. People are like that too. The more rigid your personality and rigid thought system you have, the weaker you are. What makes a person psychologically resilient is the ability to adapt to unexpected challenging situations through mental and spiritual flexibility.
But how can this spiritual flexibility be gained? Yes, some people are lucky from birth and are born predisposed to this trait. However, do not give up hope, because even if your spiritual flexibility is weak, it is possible to increase it. Research shows that having a positive facial expression (having a smiling face) increases mental resilience. In other words, smiling is not only good for the other party but also for our own mental health. In addition, he has a good sense of humor and is humorous. It is known that people enjoy life more. It has been shown that people who take responsibility and have a purpose in life are more mentally resilient. Along with all these individual characteristics, perhaps the most important feature that increases spiritual resilience is a person's ability to love and meeting the need to be loved. Children who grow up in a warm family environment and whose parents accept them with all their positive and negative characteristics will be able to accept themselves as they are, with their strengths and weaknesses, and show love and compassion towards both themselves and others in the following years.
It is neither possible nor right to keep our children away from all troubles and protect them from all troubles. Since life will surely present them with unpleasant events, large and small, one day, we must prepare them for these difficulties that life will bring at an early age. The most basic condition of this preparation is to offer "unconditional" love to the child. It is not enough to meet only the material and physical needs of children. Feeling endless compassion and love for them, and more importantly, showing them this love and compassion at every opportunity will contribute to them being both happier and more resilient children.
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