Communication and Miscommunication Between Peers

Communication is the transfer of information, news, feelings or thoughts through words, signs or actions. There must be at least a two-way source for communication. In other words, it must be given and received between the parties. Every new information means a change in the person receiving it. Communication definitely exists in every field where people exist. Because even if it is not verbal, facial expressions, posture and tone of voice are also a form of communication. Interpersonal communication can be open, masked, indirect, direct, accepting or rejecting. There is an absolute need for communication for the basic needs of the family. Because family members need communication to meet their emotional needs, to mutually transfer emotions, and to ensure bonding.

Family communications are often about daily matters. And communication consists of small steps. These steps, which mean 'I want to bond with you, I need to sleep with you', are expressed through words, looks and body language. It seems that relationships that receive a positive response from the spouse are more permanent. In divorced couples, it has been determined that half of the women act as if they are busy with their husband's steps, and almost all of the men ignore their wife's steps. Since couples often talk about daily topics, the way they respond to the steps taken by the other person is more important in communication between them than the importance of the topic. Both parties need to know that their ideas, understandings and efforts are valued and appreciated by the other party.

When one of the spouses takes a step to communicate, the other party responds positively by showing interest, listening carefully, objecting or mocking. A critical or argumentative reaction such as, and finally an avoidant reaction such as appearing busy, ignoring, or saying something irrelevant. All three reactions will create an emotional response in the other person. Although a negative or avoidant reaction may cause communication to deteriorate, it is better than stopping completely. Because when communication is interrupted, there is nothing left to do to solve the problems. In couples who respond positively, the good feelings that arise are accumulated and serve as a warehouse to be used when a problem arises one day.

10 communication mistakes frequently seen in marriage:

  • Parties focusing on the negative aspects of each other, destructive criticism.

  • Generalization: a simple diary A judgmental attitude towards one's personality and generalizing behavior, even in the event itself.

  • Mind reading: Spouses tend to catch the hidden intention behind what is said to them

  • Constantly bringing up past experiences

  • Do not make an effort to make yourself right and your partner wrong

  • Do not take responsibility for your own behavior and put it on the other party

  • Indirect expressions.

  • Constant effort to provide a logical explanation by closing the doors to emotional reactions

  • Voice escalation

  • Efforts to correct the other party according to their own truth

  • Suggestions for correcting communication errors:

  • Transforming destructive criticism into constructive ones. Using the language 'I' instead of sentences starting with 'you'. In this way, the person expresses his/her own feelings without commenting or criticizing the other party's intentions. Instead of a general expression and criticism, a specific expression for a certain type of behavior is preferred.

  • Preferring expressions specific to that situation instead of generalizations. Instead of always belittling me, what you said in front of my friends today embarrassed me.

  • Ensuring that people take responsibility for their own behavior. Instead of 'I get angry because of you, you drive me crazy', 'sometimes I can't control my anger'

  • Expressing emotions instead of logical arguments. 'Even if I don't understand what you say, I can do / try for you.

  • Seeing positive behaviors and focusing on today. Instead of 'I wish you had done this before', 'I am happy that you are doing things today that you have not done before.'

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