You found yourself commiserating with a friend. It seems impossible for the conversation to pass without touching this subject. Your child is now a teenager and you don't know what to do. You realize that he started to listen to his friends more when he used to obey you, share everything, and look you in the eye. This "second place" situation bothers you. You're trying to figure out how to strike a balance. He started going out at night and coming home late. The arguments between you are not going anywhere. You get a little more angry every time. You tried to be friends with him, but…
It didn't work because you are not your child's friend, but his parent. On the one hand, you say, 'You are grown up now', and on the other hand, you want to interfere in their friend choices. In short, adolescence is a period in which both parents and adolescents may be confused. Your child is now on the path to becoming an individual rather than your child. In adolescence, where there are a series of biological, hormonal and physical changes, the child goes through a process of change in which he/she leaves childhood and begins to form his/her own unique life philosophy and approaches. The young individual who can receive family support during this period feels valuable and sufficient and can more easily cope with the difficulties he encounters in social life. The sooner the parents accept the process of his/her identity gaining, the easier and more enjoyable this period will be for the whole family.As your child reveals his individuality, he is affected not only by the family but also by environmental factors.
Friend. and school environment, living environment are some of these factors. What he brings to him from his environment and family depends on what he has been taught since childhood. During this period, he may want to try many things to understand what suits him. This situation may also make you anxious. You realize that emotions change quickly. He may suddenly start laughing while crying. He may like something very much and suddenly stop liking it. The more he adapts to this process of change, the better he will remember his adolescence. Anxieties about the body may come to the fore. When we are in a process of constant change, we look in front of the mirror. They may spend long minutes in front of their eyes and may have negative thoughts about their acne. He may experience confusion while he is neither tall nor short, nor thin nor overweight.
As adolescence progresses, the opinions of his friends and whether he will be accepted by them become important. Being wanted by them, belonging to a group, and how to express oneself are on the agenda. That being the case, parents need to choose carefully what they will and will not get involved in. A teenage child can decide for himself whether he is hungry or whether to take a bath. Therefore, getting involved in such issues will turn you into a parent who says and comments on everything. After a while, your child will stop listening to what you say and will not get your opinion on certain issues. He may even lie. He thinks you're being told everything anyway. It is necessary to be careful in this regard and to choose the areas where the boundaries will be drawn carefully.
Setting boundaries and rules is necessary to prevent conflict within the family. It is also very important that parents agree on boundaries. Everyone has responsibilities, both in childhood and adolescence. If these responsibilities are not fulfilled, not doing so and imposing sanctions on the child's behalf plays an important role in his/her healthy individualization. It is necessary to ensure that he/she stays away from dangerous behavior, but should not neglect to take responsibility. Even though you think he is moving away from you, remember that your child needs you, that is, a family, your love, and embrace him/her. Try to understand and explain yourself. Clarity in communication refers to clear and consistent messages.
Communication in healthy families is seen to be direct, open, honest and unique. The communication process with parents is primarily effective in raising children who are self-confident, can act independently, and can cope with anxiety-provoking situations. You will be surprised to see that problems are solved in a short time by paying attention to communication.
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