It is not easy for all living beings to lose someone they love and depend on and to cope with this process. There is no greater and more difficult task in life than grieving. From the moment of birth, humans establish relationships based on love and trust. When something is not going well in one's life or when one feels unhappy, one runs to the people with whom one is loyal. What if something happens to the person or people with whom he has this deep attachment? That's when they begin to intensely experience emotions such as anxiety, sadness, and grief, which are called mourning emotions. We define the losses experienced for various reasons throughout life, the reactions to these losses, the emotions felt and the changing physiology as "mourning".
Clinical Psychologist Dila Soğancı gave information about the Grief Process;
The mourning process; It can be experienced due to the death of our pet, loss of job, wars, major social disasters, separation from partner, divorce of parents, miscarriage during pregnancy or termination of pregnancy, restriction of movement due to disability, and leaving the country of residence.
What kind of a process is mourning?
The mourning process varies from person to person. It is even difficult to find two people who grieve in the same way and experience the same reactions and emotions. Many reasons, such as the type of loss, previous loss experiences, the closeness and quality of the relationship with the lost person, religious and cultural beliefs, the person's ability to cope, physical health and support resources, make the mourning process unique to the individual, but people experience similar emotions and give similar reactions. . The length of the mourning process also varies from person to person. The mourning process begins from the moment the person loses their relative and continues for about 1 year.
Usually, during this one-year period, the person experiences shock and numbness at first. Surprise, inability to accept, denial, not knowing what you feel, confusion and loss of decision-making ability are among the first reactions. Then, the person may deny the death/loss situation for a while and behave in ways that return to daily life as if nothing had happened. These reactions occurred shortly after the sad situation. then it occurs. The person then begins to feel sadness and longing. Memories with the lost/deceased person are remembered within their social circle. Emotions such as loneliness and anger are part of this process. The person often asks the question 'why me'. Anger is felt towards the deceased/lost person for leaving them behind. Sudden emotional changes may also occur during this period.
The internal process after death/loss should not be suppressed, therefore, the grief process experienced by the person cannot be resolved with medication alone. An important stage of the mourning process is the person's acceptance of loss/death. At this stage, the person experiences some difficulties in social and business life. In the last phase, the acceptance phase, the person accepts death/loss and begins to return to normal life.
The first is who the lost person is; When a person loses one of the factors affecting the mourning process that they love and depend on, they enter a psychologically more painful process. Someone who loses his spouse loses his friend, his friend, his security, and if he has children, he also loses their parents. Another factor is the quality of the relationship with the lost person. If there are constant problems with the lost person, failure to resolve them may lead to a mourning process in which the person blames himself. How the person was lost/died is also one of the important factors. For example, the mourning process and length of mourning experienced by the relative of a person who committed suicide and died differs from the mourning process and length of mourning experienced by the relative of a person who received cancer treatment for a long time or died after being in intensive care for a long time.
Is it necessary to get professional support?
Uncontrolled use of medication, increase in alcohol consumption, thoughts of harming oneself, constantly taking responsibility and self-control Neglecting care, situations where the mourning process lasts more than 1 year and the person cannot return to his/her own life, isolating himself from social life, avoiding talking about death and topics that remind him of death, constantly preoccupying himself to avoid experiencing the mourning process, increase in physical complaints, intense feeling of guilt. It is necessary to get professional support in situations such as feeling like.
What Can Be Done to Go Through the Grieving Process Healthier?
The Person The child must learn to be patient and understanding with himself and give himself time to cope with the mourning process. Instead of going through the mourning process alone, telling the feelings to a trusted person will provide sociosupport to the person. Taking care of basic needs such as sleep and nutrition is necessary to cope with the mourning process and complete your mourning process in a shorter time. If there is a loss within the family; In order not to upset the other mourners in the family, to appear strong towards them and to protect them, expressing the feelings you are experiencing can be avoided within the family. However, talking about the feelings felt within the family and sharing memories allows the family to get to know each other better and to start and end this mourning process. Important days such as anniversaries, holidays and birthdays can be difficult for people. Getting support from someone these days and being with them reduces the difficulty experienced. Whatever the grief process is like, remember that these reactions are normal. However, it is important that this process does not take longer than it should. If you cannot go through the stages of the mourning process such as shock, numbness and anger, or if you observe such a situation in your loved ones, it is necessary to seek psychological support.
What about children who have suffered a loss...
For children, it is important to be open and honest in these situations. is required. Explanations appropriate to the child's age and developmental level should be made. First, the child should be explained what birth, growth and death mean. Death/loss; It should not be explained with concepts such as "he went on a trip" or "he is on a journey" and this situation should not be said all at once. For example, if there is a death resulting from an accident; Explain step by step (ambulance arrived, hospital went, etc.). The child should be allowed to ask questions. The child may ask the same questions over and over again during the mourning process; patience and consistent answers should be given. Care should be taken to describe the event as it is, only in a manner appropriate to the age level of the child. The child should be informed that other survivors are safe. Instead of trying to prevent them from getting upset, one should try to understand their feelings and sadness and be a partner. The belongings of the dead/missing person should not be destroyed for fear of affecting the child, your child should be allowed to attend the funeral. Because the loss/death of the child It is important to make it real for the UK. Additionally, the child may need to receive psychological support.
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