Forgiveness is hard. I don't know if it's not understood, you talk and comment or give advice without thinking. For example, when a friend tells you about an event that hurt him, you say, "Oh, never mind," without fully understanding and listening. But when the same thing happens to you, you realize that it is difficult to forgive. It may take days, months, or even years for you to come to your senses. Then you make a choice; You move on, either by forgiving or not...
Until you have a situation to forgive, people often don't understand how hard it is to forgive. He doesn't listen to the pain of the other person, he can't listen... Maybe because society teaches us that, we can't listen. Because dealing with someone else's problems is tantamount to attracting evil or being unhappy. We have always been taught that pain is not a pleasant situation and should not be experienced. Maybe that's why we say a word or two without trying to understand it...
Isn't it necessary to face it to fully understand something? What and how can we learn and face it by escaping or avoiding pain? So, is it necessary to experience the event exactly in order to face it?...
Even if you don't know something exactly, your efforts to understand make you different from others. The real need of the injured party is to see this effort. They are usually not tangible and tangible things. At the same time, he feels validated and valued this way. Because the pain decreases as the troubles are acknowledged and accepted. This is what we all need. Like air, like water... Being seen and recognized by another. Isn't that why we dress up, keep working, rush to raise something? To succeed, to do, to be useful, to be seen by someone, to be noticed. In the presence of an event that hurts you, the important thing is to see “I am here and I am suffering”. Also, “Will you be there for me when I need you” or “Would you hurt me again if I came to you and trusted you again?” answers to your questions are sought…
Your spouse, mother, father, sibling, friend or relative may have offended you. For example, you feel lonely and left out in a family matter. Or your lover hurt you too much; her You're having a hard time planning for the future... But what really matters is not the event or the person. It is the traces it leaves on you and its current meaning in your life.
Because you can interpret the same event in different ways at another time and in a different mood. For example, your spouse's cheating on you when everything is going normally, or your spouse cheating on you during a very difficult time (postpartum, illness, children leaving home..)
may have different meanings. This, in turn, changes your reactions or the severity of your reactions. On the other hand, an important and hurtful event for you may not be as serious and important for someone else. In other words, events that seem similar leave different effects in the lives of each of us...
Afterwards, the choice you make determines your life. It is necessary to make a decision and move on. You can choose to leave the pain aside and move on, or move forward with the pain. However, forgiveness can be a good way to find peace again. But it has always been imposed on us that the one who forgives is the one who underestimates or is oppressed. In other words, the defeated.
However, if it was something you did for yourself that would bring you peace, what would it be like? Would we have been dealing with people or events for years? Who knows?!? Nor am I telling you that you have to keep the person you forgive in your life. Obligations are overwhelming. You just focus on how you feel and take a step for yourself first...
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