Unfortunately, for these reasons, communication within the family has weakened in recent years, conversations within the family have decreased, become superficial questions and answers, family members participate in separate activities, the activity that the whole family does together does not go beyond watching television, and family members engage in social activities with their own groups of friends. It is seen that alienation within the family occurs. However, family is the only place where a person receives unconditional love and acceptance. Family has great importance in a person's life. Let's not forget that the foundations of personalities and lives are laid in families, and the family is a determining factor in people's perception of life, people and themselves. The child creates schemas and judgments in his mind in line with the love given to him and the attitude directed towards him, and these remain the same throughout his life and are very difficult to change. This is the reason for the concept of going back to childhood, which is included in psychology and frequently used among the public. The majority of the problems and emotions experienced in adulthood derive their origin from childhood, events and situations experienced in the family and recorded in the mind. Of course, this is usually not realized. Communication is the determining factor in family relationships. Many parents complain that they cannot get along and communicate with their children.
What are the important points and what needs to be done in communicating with children?
Time should be allocated for communication. When your child says something or wants to tell you something, stop what you are doing and focus all your attention on him. Don't say "I'm listening" when you're busy with something; let that be your only job when communicating with the child. Let the child feel that what he tells is important to you, and that he is important to you. If you absolutely cannot spare the time, you should explain why you are not suitable, state that you are very curious about what he will say, that you will definitely listen to him, and also tell him the time.
Eye contact should be established with the children. We must eliminate the height difference to establish eye contact. We should do it sitting or kneeling down to his eye level. It is not right to talk down to the child.
It is necessary to allow the child to talk, first of all, to listen to the child correctly, not to interrupt or intervene. Understand your child when he speaks You should nod your head to show your understanding and repeat what they say simply from time to time. We call this active listening. Example: The child “broke my toy that I won't play with.” Your communication can continue, such as "You were angry because he broke your toy", "Yes", "You loved this toy", "Yes, I don't have another car". Thus, the child feels valued and loved. Children who are not listened to tend to attract attention with aggressive behavior, mischief, harming themselves and their surroundings, or become withdrawn.
Tell your child that you love him/her, but don't just say it, make him/her feel it with your actions. You must state that your love is unconditional. Conditional sentences such as "I won't love you if you do this" or "I will love you if you behave well" damage the relationship with the child. Do not confuse loving the child with overprotecting him or her to show this love.
Remember that if you do the opposite of the advice you give to your child, that advice will have no meaning for the child. For example, you warned that one should never lie. However, the child witnessed you lying. When a child lies, his first defense is that both mom and dad lied. Children perceive and accept what their parents do as correct. He thinks that he too needs to do similar things. Remember that the child takes his parents as a model in everything. Take this into consideration when you say or do something. You cannot be angry at the child for the things he does by taking you as a model.
If you make me angry like this, sentences such as "I don't like you" or "I don't want a naughty child" will destroy the child's entire trust and cause great disappointment. Do not spare sentences such as "I'm glad you are my daughter, you are my son, I am very lucky to have a son and daughter like you."
It is important to spend quality time. Being in the same environment is generally thought of as spending time with the child. This is not true. Spending time is actively doing something with the child. It is a great happiness for young children to play with their parents and play with their toys. Playing different games at school, helping them with their lessons, and chatting during adolescence will be good for your children.
The child does not understand this at this age There is no such thing. Rest assured, they are aware and understand much more than you think. It only matters how you tell it. You should explain it in words he/she knows, in short sentences, and as concretely as possible.
You should know the characteristics of your child's developmental period. So you can understand the reason for your child's behavior. For example, perhaps you expect your 6-year-old child to do something that a 9-year-old child can do or understand, and you react negatively because he or she cannot understand or do something.
The child's mischief may be due to wanting to learn something, initiative, or curiosity. If your child does something you don't want despite your warnings, it means he or she is doing it as a reaction to you. Either he thinks he is not being cared for enough, or he has anger towards you.
Finally, I would like to point out a few things that will be useful for your child: read a story book with your child or let him/her read it, talk about the story and the people in the story. talk, do the same for movies and cartoons, and adapt events, emotions, etc. to daily life. Buy your child a pet and take care of it together. Let him listen to music and send him to the course if you can. Likewise, having him participate in sports activities, especially team sports, will be beneficial for him to relieve his physical energy and calm down.
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