How are you in your relationship in terms of intimacy and intimacy?
How busy your mind is in your relationship during the day
How much do you trust your partner with whom you are in a relationship?
Do you feel like you're drowning in a relationship?
Answers to these types of questions reveal how couples bond and their attachment styles. For a clearer understanding, in this article, first of all, what is connecting briefly? I will start with and then talk about attachment styles that adults have.
What is Attachment?
The basis of attachment theory was established by John Bowlby and it has found its current form with the contributions and studies of many researchers. However, to make a short and concise definition, Bowlby defines attachment as a strong emotional bond between the baby and the caregiver. After Bowlby, the issue of attachment has been discussed by many psychologists and researchers because, according to Bowlby's statement, this strong bond established between the baby and the caregiver guides the whole life of the individual from the cradle to the grave and affects their close relationships significantly. Attachment theory is a very important theory for developmental psychology and psychologists because it is an important concept that can affect an individual's whole life, and it is possible to see many studies on it today. It is necessary for the individual to learn and understand his own attachment style, to establish and maintain a healthy relationship. For this reason, let's take a closer look at the four attachment styles specified in Bartholomew and Horowitz's Quadruple Attachment Model, and which is your attachment style? Let's find the answer to the question…
Which is your Attachment Style?
Secure Attachment Style: Individuals with secure attachment style have low anxiety levels and avoidance behaviors. In childhood, he grew up with warm contact (hugging, hugging, caressing, kissing, etc.) and love. Because they know love, they become individuals who love, value and trust both themselves and their partners in their romantic relationships. They can express their feelings and thoughts in a healthy way and can empathize. They do not hesitate to establish intimacy in their relationships and display compassionate behaviors. They do not show excessive jealousy because they do not have the fear of being disliked or rejected, and they make an evaluation within the framework of the lived event and approach the problems with a solution-oriented approach, rather than reviewing their long relationships after each discussion. They prefer to talk and communicate in a healthy way rather than tripping or getting offended in their relationships.
Preoccupied (anxious) Attachment Style: Individuals with preoccupied attachment style have high anxiety and low avoidance behaviors. Individuals feel worthless because of their high anxiety, they believe that they are not worthy of being loved by others. They want to be extremely close with their partners in order to be loved, approved and valued by others because they feel valued as long as they are approved. However, this need for extreme intimacy can be challenging from time to time. They have a constant fear of being abandoned. They put their partners at the center of their lives during the period they are in a relationship and they get attached to them quickly. They fear being cheated on and abandoned because they don't feel valued enough. For this reason, they can be restrictive and overly jealous in their relationships. They are reactive people, express their thoughts with their behaviors rather than verbally, often tripping or getting offended. They take many things in a relationship personally, keep a good record of events and do not forget easily.
Possible sentences that can be heard from a partner with an anxious attachment style:
He can't treat me like this, he'll see that day ...
I called him 10 times, why doesn't he answer?, who knows what now oooo!
My life never goes well anyway!
Nobody really loves me!
I know, there's definitely someone else.
Please, don't leave me... I can't stand it...
Individuals with the style have low anxiety and high avoidance behaviors. As with the secure attachment style, although their anxiety levels are low and they have a positive self-image, they avoid intimacy, romantic relationships, and needing others. They don't see others as lovable, they don't like too much intimacy in a relationship, they feel like they're suffocating. They are more likely to humiliate, belittle, criticize and compare their partners negatively. For this reason, they can be offensive to their partners in their relationships. When everything seems to be fine, they may suddenly distance themselves and move away from the relationship.
Possible sentences to be heard from a partner with a dismissive attachment style:
He needs me..
I feel sorry for him.
I suffocate myself when I'm with him I feel like
He's trying to take over my life!
I don't always blame me for her.
Fearful Attachment Style: Individuals with fearful attachment have high anxiety and high avoidance behaviors. This attachment style is exactly the opposite of secure attachment. Individuals feel worthless because of their high anxiety, they believe that they are not worthy of being loved by others and they do not see others as worthy of being loved. They avoid being in a close relationship because they fear disappointment, rejection, and abandonment. In general, they prefer superficial relationships where a close and intense relationship that does not suit them can not be experienced.
Possible sentences to be heard from a partner with a fearful attachment style:
I knew it was not suitable for me.
I am not suitable for intimacy.
I have distances !
If I don't have a Secure Attachment style, can I have a secure attachment style later on?
The attachment style of an individual with a secure attachment style does not change easily While the attachment style of the individual with other attachment styles may oscillate towards secure attachment style with the help of counseling and therapy. In this process, the important thing is to realize yourself and for this is to take action.
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