We told our 7-year-old child, "If you let go of my hand while walking on the road, you will fall on the ground, or if you let go of my hand, you will get lost."
"Have a hard-working friend, if you make friends with a lazy person, you will be like him."
When our teenage daughter is going somewhere with her friends, she says to her friend, "My daughter is in your care."
How often do we say to our teenage child, "It is not right to dress like this, the looks of others will disturb you"?
Children often hear such sentences from their mothers or fathers. New generation children often hear from those around them that the environment is bad and full of dangers and that they should not trust anyone. Parents! Or are you one of those who say "I don't trust you, I don't trust the environment"?
Some of us may still confirm this thought.
Of course, the child wants to be approved. The need for approval is with us from the moment we are born and becomes evident in primary school. Then, we enter the natural approval process (what we call giving our own approval), which is a part of development. In other words, it's like accepting that we are skilled in our own inner journey, even if we don't hear or see "it's okay, you're great" from anyone...
Children's ability to develop good feelings towards themselves from an early age depends on how they are evaluated by the important people in their lives. Those who are loved by their elders, who find the closeness and attention they expect when they need it, whose opinions are valued and cared about, who are trusted and given responsibilities; A child who is praised for the things he does well, is proud of, and is accepted despite all his mistakes will have high self-confidence.
In other words, self-confidence means being happy to be ourselves and as a result, being at peace with ourselves and our environment. Briefly; We can also say that it is the feeling of "being lovable and capable".
So, do we ever make mistakes when teaching our children many positive behaviors and emotions? While we want our children to have self-confidence, could we be using attitudes and sanctions that will damage their self-confidence?
"By nature, the child learns evil before goodness" says Freud. child While we are struggling with the idea of how to make this dangerous world livable and reliable, we are actually setting our children up for a challenge. Our children want to receive the message from us, "I trust you, you should be able to protect yourself and handle any negative situation that may happen to you." He/she wants to face the answer "If you are doing wrong, it is your choice, you should bear it".
Because taking responsibility for our actions is as important for our children as it is for us. Every responsibility we impose or may impose on the environment will not add any added value to our children. In fact, it will not add any added value, and will cause them to be able to easily brush off their mistakes in later ages and not even want to take responsibility for their mistakes.
That's why we tell our children, "I trust you, you won't do anything wrong." If something goes wrong or things don't go the way you wanted, it's because it's your choice and preference. We can strongly demonstrate our support for our child with the sentence "You know best and you can take responsibility for your choice." With the feeling of trust he receives from his family and the desire to be the primary person in the decision-making mechanism, the child will take responsibility for the mistakes he has made and will make, and thus he will grow up as a more self-confident and more involved person in life.
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