Communication; It is a process in which individuals transfer feelings, thoughts and information to each other consciously or unconsciously. The first communication begins in the family environment in which the child is born. So, we can say that the family is the place where the child first learns to socialize. The verbal and non-verbal messages given to the child and the behaviors shown begin to form a significant impact on the child's first experience patterns.
One of the most important issues in the functioning of the family is the communication established by family members. Healthy communication within the family enables family members to mutually understand each other's feelings and thoughts; It reveals cooperation, cooperation and sharing behaviors and creates a healthier basis for children's development. Children in a family environment where good family communication takes place develop a more autonomous and independent personality. At the same time, they gain the freedom and habit of expressing their feelings and thoughts freely. On the contrary, the personal development of children in a family environment where effective family communication cannot be established is disrupted. They begin to develop a dependent personality pattern that cannot think freely, cannot express their feelings and thoughts openly even if they think, and suppresses them, and unfortunately they encounter various problems in the future. For this reason, it is extremely important to establish effective communication between parents and children, because the child's relationship with family members forms the basis of his behavior towards other individuals and objects in the future.
For a Healthy Communication with the Child. Things to Consider
Communication within the family is a process in which parents and children convey the feelings, thoughts and information they want to convey to each other, consciously or unconsciously. During this period, many parents have difficulty in communicating correctly with their children, understanding the basis of the child's behavior, and determining their approach towards the child. So, how can parents establish a more accurate and healthy communication with their children?
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First of all, even though they are a small child, they are also individuals, with emotions and feelings. Remember that you have thoughts.
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When communicating with your child, focus all your attention on him and make sure to make eye contact. The child who thinks he is being listened to; It is the child who thinks that he is accepted and therefore loved.
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When talking to your child, do not just ask what is going on, also ask how he feels. Try to understand them by empathizing. Accompany his emotions, ask about his feelings, talk to him so that he feels understood.
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Make sure to use the language "I", not "you". For example, while warning them; Using an expression such as "I think you spend too long in front of the television and this makes me very sad" instead of "You watch television too much, this is wrong and I do not allow it" will not damage the communication between you and your child.
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Give your child the opportunity to talk. When talking to them, you need to be respectful as if you were talking to an adult, and be patient and compassionate, remembering that you are talking to a child. Be sure to wait for the child to finish what he is talking about.
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Be careful to be consistent in your behavior towards your child. You should not behave in a contradictory way within yourself or the mother and father should not behave in a way that contradicts each other.
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Do not compare your child with other children. Comparing him with other children prevents him from seeing himself as a valuable person.
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Speak about your wishes without using imperative sentences. For example, it would be more effective to say 'I would be very happy if I saw this room tidy' instead of 'tidy up your room'.
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Do not forget to ask your child's opinion on issues related to your child.
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Give your child small responsibilities appropriate to his age and leave him alone within the limits you set.
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Do not belittle or ridicule their feelings and experiences.
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Make sure to avoid judging, criticizing or blaming. Pay extra attention to this, especially when there are third parties around. Because warning or criticizing your child in front of other people may cause your child to be upset with you and feel angry. It may even damage their sense of trust in you. That's why When talking to your child, be careful not to include others in the conversation unless necessary, and talk to your child alone as much as possible.
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If you are angry with your child, wait until you calm down before talking to him/her.
Within the Family Obstacles in Communication
The basis of the problems that arise in family communication lies in the parent-child relationship that cannot be established in a healthy way. The following communication barriers are often seen in family types where the child has problems with their parents.
1. Commanding and Managing: To the child; Using expressions such as “you have to do”, “you have to do” may create fear or resistance in children and a rebellious attitude may appear.
2. Threatening and Intimidating: “.....if you don't, .... will happen”, “either you do it or ....” Threats made with expressions such as these cause a feeling of fear and submission behavior in children. This may cause them to develop a dependent-passive personality structure in their later years. At the same time, the child may also exhibit trial behavior to find out whether the results told to him will actually occur.
3. Constantly Giving Moral Lessons and Requiring Guidance: Expressions such as “...... you should have done...”, “it is your responsibility...”, “....... you should do this” are mandatory for children. and creates feelings of guilt.
4. Constantly Giving Advice and Providing Solutions: “If I were .....”, “Why don't you do .....?”, “I think .....”, “Let me suggest this to you Constantly telling the child expressions such as .....” prevents the child from developing the ability to solve his own problems. Likewise, it prevents the child from thinking about the problem in its entirety and finding different options and trying them.
5. Judgment, Criticism and Blame: Sentences that carry judgment, criticism and blame, such as "You are not mature at all", "You are lazy", "You are naughty", cause your child to misevaluate himself and feel inadequacy. Often children perceive such criticism as genuine; Like “I'm already bad, lazy, unsuccessful”…
6. Constant Exaggerated Appreciation and Praise: Of course, you should praise your children and agree with their opinions, but just as excess of everything is too much, you should be careful to do this in moderation. If you show exaggerated praise to your children and constantly confirm their thoughts with sentences such as "It's very nice", "You're right, it's the teacher's fault", "You're doing a great job", this will create anxiety in the future as it will make the child think that the family's expectations are high. At the same time, there is a high probability of creating a grandiose personality pattern in the child.
7. Name-Calling and Ridiculing: Expressions such as “Big baby”, “Retarded”, “Come on, watery eyes” etc. can create a feeling of worthlessness and the belief that the child is not loved. It is very negative on the child's self-image.
8. Constantly consoling, changing the subject, making fun of the task: Expressions aimed at the child such as “Forget it”, “Let's cheer up a little”, “You will feel better in time”, “Let's talk about other things”; It causes the child to feel misunderstood, to believe that his/her problems are seen as unimportant and unnecessary, to feel worthless, and causes the child to feel angry towards the parents. It may also imply running away from problems rather than dealing with them.
9. Over-Monitoring, Questioning, and Accounting: “Why? Who? What have you done? How?" When questions such as these are asked to children too frequently and excessive supervision is carried out, children may become anxious and afraid because they do not know where the person asking the question is going. That's why they tend to evade, give half-truth answers, or lie.
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