In my previous article, I talked about our schemas, that schemas are our mental structures, that they are actually meant to make our lives easier, but over time they can hinder us due to their rigid and difficult-to-change structures, and I gave a few examples about this. This week, let's take a look at how diagrams can emerge. We can say that schemas emerge when basic needs are met or not met adequately during childhood and adolescence, and in adulthood, their ability to meet or fail to meet their basic needs at an adequate level affects their choices, relationships, successes or failures, and goals. Some of the basic needs that affect the formation of schemas are as follows:
Attachment: It is the relationship that initially develops between the baby and the mother or caregiver by meeting the baby's needs adequately. If the baby's needs are not adequately met, secure attachment cannot develop with the mother or caregiver. If it is met adequately, only then can secure attachment develop. While at first the baby's perception of the world is limited to his mother or caregiver, it gradually expands and he generalizes the attachment model he developed with his mother to his relationships in the outside world. He says, “Yes, I am in a safe place” or “No, I am not in a safe place.” At this point, a scheme has been formed. This schema describes his adult life, relationships, marriage, etc.
Belonging: This is again one of the needs of childhood and adolescence. It is the need to belong to a family, to belong to a group, to be owned and possessed. For this, there must be characteristics such as similar interests, similar thoughts, similar behaviors or emotions, understanding and being understood, so that the child or adolescent can feel like he belongs there.
Self-Perception: Again, infancy. This perception, the foundations of which were laid in 1960s, actually begins to develop with behaviors such as the mother making eye contact with her baby, touching him, smiling at him. The baby may develop the perception of "Yes, I am loved" or "No, I am not loved enough." The presence of other siblings is also important during these periods. Or � Words spoken to the child or adolescent, negative expressions such as "You are a failure, you are fat, are you stupid, clumsy, how stupid are you, are you an idiot" or positive expressions such as "I trust you, I think you are determined in this regard" are also very important. As a matter of fact, a positive self-perception or a negative self-perception occurs.
Freedom: It is the freedom of movement and the freedom to express needs and feelings. As long as a person can express himself, he feels free and can take responsibility for it. This can be possible by correctly setting boundaries during childhood and adolescence and creating a democratic structure within the family. Otherwise, the child or adolescent will feel hindered.
Competence: The feeling of feeling competent in what is done or when thinking about doing something develops and matures starting from childhood and adolescence. Supporting the child and adolescent adequately and standing in the background when there are situations that need to be done and overcome will also strengthen the feeling of competence. Instead of telling a child who wants to open a jar, "You can't do that, let it go, it will break in your hands, you'll see now," a sense of competence is created by saying, "You can try if you want," but keeping it under control.
Spontaneity and Play : Again, during childhood, play is a part and meaning of life for the child. It is a place where one can express what comes naturally, without artificiality. This playground where he can express himself spontaneously enables him to make himself and the world meaningful. There is a kind of meaning in life within the game and this is an important need.
Boundaries and Self-Control: There must be enough boundaries. Having no boundaries makes it difficult for the child to perceive the world and makes himself/herself It may prevent you from feeling safe. In addition, he/she must learn self-management skills and learn to control his/her needs in accordance with his/her age. At the right age, he should decide when he is hungry and when he needs to go to the toilet, so that he can control his other impulses at other stages of his life. Deciding in a healthy way what to do and how to do it and asking questions about it so that he can take responsibility.
These basic needs must be met in a healthy way in order for a person to realize himself, that is, to reveal his inner essence. Each basic need that cannot be satisfied creates its own problem areas, that is, schema areas. In this case, it affects our lives negatively and sometimes we may not even be aware of it.
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