Parents always want to give the best to their children and treat them in the best way. Because they love them very much, but sometimes we can unknowingly behave in ways that are not suitable for our children's psychology. Now let's take a look at the parental attitudes below. Let's find out together which attitude is the better one.
1.OPRESSIVE AND AUTHORITARIAN ATTITUDE
Some parents think that by getting angry at their children and criticizing them, they will prevent their unpleasant behavior. They think that if they do not behave this way, they will not be able to ensure that their children are responsible and do their homework. Therefore, they may yell at their children, get angry at them, and punish them, hoping that they will teach their children the behavior they should do. This attitude is oppressive and authoritarian. In this parental attitude, the child should always obey the parents and never disobey them. The parents decide on every issue, but the child does not make any decisions, he just abides by the decision taken. The child may start to do what he needs to do out of fear, but this will be a behavior that lowers the child's self-confidence. In the future, these children may have problems with the ability to say no and may feel anxious when they have to perform in a situation, which will naturally make the child unhappy. The child behaves the same way outside the family as he does towards his parents. In other words, when parents rule the child with strict rules, this child will behave submissively outside, that is, in life outside. These children cannot express their feelings and thoughts easily. We cannot expect children to be lambs at home and wolves outside. Moreover, a child who cannot say no will be vulnerable to psychological violence in the future, in adulthood or adolescence. Since these children comply with the decisions coming from the outside, that is, the parents, they fall into a big void when there are no parents.
2.PERMISSIBLE ATTITUDE
The child does whatever he wants, he is never angry with him, the whole glass frame falls. down, but still you can't get angry at the child. This family is a good example of a permissive attitude. This attitude is the opposite of the oppressive authoritarian attitude. There are no rules. They think that parents show their love by doing whatever the child wants, but in fact, their children's psychology is harmed by this attitude. They are reaching. Since these children have never heard the word no within the family, they become devastated and depressed the moment they hear it in the outside world. Because the world is not a place where we have everything we want. When they are young, parents can fulfill whatever the child wants, and the child naturally codes the world as the place where everything he wants comes true, and he does this unconsciously. However, when he reaches adolescence, he cannot perceive this when the person he likes does not like him, because it is very difficult to realize that the thought he encoded when he was a child (the world is a place without borders where everything I want comes true) is wrong. Parents do not intentionally become a permissive family, but unfortunately the consequences negatively affect the child. Since everything these children want is done, the child becomes dissatisfied and unhappy. In other words, the child should experience the feeling of unhappiness even when he is young, so that he has experience on how to manage that feeling when it comes in the future. These children also have difficulty complying with social rules. They have difficulty complying with the rules in schools and workplaces. They feel entitled to break the rules. For this reason, their chances of failure are very high. For example, when he starts school, he has difficulty obeying the rules. He may not listen to his teacher and may damage things. So we can clearly say that a permissive attitude for children causes the child to have problems at school, in his relationships with his friends, and in his academic success.
3.INCONSISTENT ATTITUDE
Imbalance and inconsistency arise in the difference of opinion between parents. For example, parents criticizing each other about their behavior towards their children creates inconsistency in the child. It also creates inconsistency when one parent says yes and the other says no. Parents should agree on this issue. If you get angry the next day for a behavior for which you gave a reward, this creates inconsistency in the child. The child cannot decide which behavior is appropriate in this situation. Because the parent's mood determines the decision. In this case, the child feels internally uneasy. He will behave restlessly and indecisively in the future.
4.INTERESTED ATTITUDE
Indifferent and indifferent attitude is the parents' failure to meet the needs of the child. If the child and the parent do not communicate, the parent does not pay attention to the child and does not play with him, that is, does not meet his needs, the child will exhibit aggressive behavior in the future. This is emotional abuse. In such families, the child always tries to get attention, but does not receive any response. The parents may be depressed and may not even be able to meet their own needs, they may not be able to take care of the child due to this situation, but if the child does not receive the necessary attention, unfortunately, he will develop aggressive behavior in the future and become an unhappy adult and become susceptible to substance addiction. We should play games with the child even for 20 minutes every day. We must meet his needs.
5. OVERPROTECTIVE ATTITUDE
It is the attitude of parents in which the child is not allowed to try things on his own. As the name suggests, the child is extremely protected. Often, anxious parents behave this way, but this harms the child. Children who grow up with the phrase "Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, don't let anything happen to you" become unable to do anything on their own in the future. They are very likely to be anxious individuals with low self-confidence. Overprotectiveness may also result from the mother or father feeling emotionally alone, but the mother or father may not be aware of this. In other words, he unknowingly makes the child stick to him so that the mother/father will not be alone in the future and the child will always stay with him. But I would like to reiterate that parents do not act this way intentionally, they act this way because of their own concerns. For example, the child is 5 years old, but his father is still feeding his child. He may be sleeping with his mother/father when he is a teenager. Children growing up with this attitude cannot make decisions on their own in the future, so they cannot gain independence, and their self-confidence and academic success may be low.
ASSURING, SUPPORTIVE AND DEMOCRATIC ATTITUDE
Reassuring In a supportive and democratic attitude, the child is supported in everything, but there are also rules. Apart from the rules set, the child is allowed to behave as he wishes. In this family, the child is supported to express his feelings and thoughts. In this attitude, parents are responsible for acceptable and unacceptable behavior. They tell the memories clearly to the child. They treat the child consistently regarding these accepted and unacceptable behaviors. Both mother and father treat the child the same way. The child has the right to speak and is always allowed to express himself. He/she is even given support to express his/her feelings and thoughts. For example, let's say we set a rule for the child, you are asked what you think about this rule or how this rule makes you feel. In summary, the child is supported to say what he feels and what he thinks. The parents hug the child and show him love. Parents regularly play games with the child and allocate special time for him/her.
Thanks to this attitude, the child's self-confidence develops. These children become responsible, successful individuals who make their own decisions. The probability of them becoming individuals who can freely express their feelings and thoughts in society increases greatly. He can protect himself against psychological violence, and when he experiences psychological violence, he realizes how to put an end to it and puts it into practice.
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