Romantic relationships that a person establishes are the reflection of the relationship he or she has with their parents during infancy. How the parent's inclusiveness of the baby is in integrity is at the point where the child's unconscious selection process is in the established relationships. We can associate almost all kinds of situations with inclusion, from the parent's holding the baby to his gaze, attachment, separation, receiving and showing the reactions, and the relationship between the parents. occurs. However, in cases where the parent cannot (or cannot) offer a secure relationship, it is observed that the person has difficulty in attaching securely in a romantic love relationship. It can be said that the issue of attachment in these romantic relationships is often a subject of curiosity in research. Well, in people with secure attachment, is everything at the point where you can say "we're done" in an extremely smooth way?
I don't think so. There are also distances, anxieties, behaviors, attitudes, contradictions and wonders. There are even a lot of people. A person falls in love with what he lacks. While they fall in love with what is missing, they are both complementary and disturbing at the same time. It is complementary because when we see something missing in ourselves on the other side, the most enjoyable form of love is available. It is disturbing because it is incomplete because it reminds the person what they do not want to see in themselves. Especially since the person does not want to see that missing situation in himself, this situation turns into a problem for him. The person suppresses, denies, accepts or not, but at the end of the day, the situation that matters is right next to him.
Every person has positive and negative sides. If we have a problem where it is missing, we attribute the negative side to that side. We cannot see the negative sides of the person we love at first, then those deficiencies and negativities come to the fore. The wonders of love are revealed. Just like we stay in that safe place where we can see the positive sides of our parents during our childhood, but when things come to adolescence, the negative sides of our parents begin to stand out one by one. The adolescence period, when we try to separate, as the warm aspects of our parents become prominent. What breakthrough are we trying to achieve? While forming the backbone of our selves, we try to get out of that place that warms us; we try to move away from the absence of our parents, to make a leap into the warmer aspects of our romantic relationship that seem more understanding and more complete. We evolve into the positive aspects of our romantic love. After a while, the negative aspects of our romantic relationship also stand out. It is the place where conflicts and doubts are born. Everyone has positive and negative sides, shortcomings, issues. The way we deal with these conflicts within ourselves is reflected in the way we handle conflicts in our romantic relationships.
We can say that; when we can accept the positive and negative aspects of our parents, when our spine is solid, then we accept the positive and negative aspects of our romantic relationship and of course ourselves. Of course, this is not about accepting every negative thing I say. It is about being able to tolerate the positive and negative aspects of our own issue, our shortcomings. Using healthier coping methods enables us to tolerate ourselves and tolerate the complexity of love. When we can tolerate ourselves, then we can create a safe environment of love. We can strengthen our spine.
Love also requires being able to tolerate lack.
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