Understanding Emotion and Using It as a Tool for Change in Relationships

We can define emotion as psychophysiological changes that occur as a result of the individual's communication with the environment and other people. Damasio defines emotion as a set of changes that occur in both the brain and the body, often triggered by a specific mental content. Based on this, we can state that emotion is activated by a mental content, that is, thought, and emotions affect us mentally, psychologically and even physiologically. According to Damasio, feeling is the awareness of the changes created by emotions.

Emotions are divided into primary emotions and secondary emotions. Primary emotions depend on biological and physical states. According to researchers, most of the emotions activated by the limbic system in the brain are inherited. These primary emotions are also activated by the limbic system and are innate. Imagine an aggressive-looking animal running towards you. When you encounter this situation, your first reaction is fear. This fear reaction is our primary emotion and is directly linked to the survival instinct.

We mask these primary emotions with our secondary emotions. So what are these secondary emotions? We can call secondary emotions adult emotions. Secondary emotions are formed as a result of experiences. While primary emotions are activated from the evolutionarily oldest parts of the brain, secondary emotions are activated by evolutionarily later areas such as the prefrontal cortex. That's why reactions to an event are so different. The reason for this is that that experience activates the person's previously internalized experiences and creates emotions that may vary from person to person. While primary emotions occur automatically in response to situations, secondary emotions are social, learned emotions.

After gaining brief information about emotions, let's look at how we can use emotions as a tool for change. Close relationships (relationships with family, friends, partners, etc.) are the most appropriate source for understanding people's lives and emotional processes. A person opens his world of emotions to those closest to him, and the problems experienced in these relationships are related to both the internal dynamics of people and their right to experience, express and feel their emotions. It gives very important information to the other party.

We can use our emotions as a guide on a deeper path, both in our own internal dynamics and in relations with the other party. For example, let's say you complain that your partner is constantly angry. Anger is an emotional state that is very easily understood and relatively easier to observe from the outside. If you see that the real emotion underlying this anger is the fear of abandonment or the need to be loved, your perspective on your partner will change and you will be able to develop different coping mechanisms with your partner in this situation, which has a high potential to create problems in your relationship. Research shows that an intellectual and emotional understanding of relationship dynamics, self and partner dynamics, leads to new responses in the relationship and enables the changes in the patterns that are constantly used to solve the existing problem.

 

Remember that interpersonal relationships The purpose of the system or self is not to remain the same; It is to change and develop the person in a way that best suits him/her.

 

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