We assign roles to each other during the flirting periods of our relationships. More precisely, each of us takes on certain responsibilities within the relationship in line with our character and potential. These responsibilities may vary depending on the dynamics of each relationship and the characters of the people in the relationship. The role of calming fights within the relationship is one of them. Arguments and disagreements within a relationship are quite normal. We can say that the reason for these is that the information we learn from the family conflicts with that of the other party, which gives rise to the concept of power struggle within the relationship.
One of the roles in the relationship is the organizer. We can explain it like planning the activities to be done and selecting the actions.
Have you noticed that one party always makes the activity plans now?
The main reason for this is that it is the person who does the work on our behalf. When there is someone, we can adapt and be happy. These small roles, which are shared very easily and spontaneously during the dating period, can lead to serious battles when we get married. Because we are now in a house and there is a lot of work to be done. You know, in every workplace, there are two types of people who always keep someone busy or try to do every job and do not give anyone a role, and when they get married, individuals turn into these two types. The first are the types who are lazy to take responsibility, and the second are the types who say "the most accurate information I brought from the past" and do all the work. Both of these types are actually defective. A middle ground can be found in marriage. For example, everyone may think that they are very skilled in household accounting and money management, but unfortunately this is not the case. This role must be left to someone who knows. Nowadays, it is difficult to find a newly married person who lives at home and does not work. The reason for this is economic reasons. Now, with the increase in the rate of university education, everyone attaches importance to career. Therefore, it is not possible to put the routine cleaning tasks of the house on one side. However, cleaning, just like money management, is a job that can cause havoc if done incorrectly. Therefore, especially ladies may need to exercise proper management when distributing work at home.
Some people are naturally responsible They pursue it, and some of them are afraid to take responsibility. Avoidant types should never be confused with escaping types. It has been observed that shy people got into trouble when they took the initiative in the past, and then turned into people who hesitate to take responsibility, and in their later years, they remained dulled by their subconscious instinct of avoidance. If you tell those people what to do, you can see that they turn into very loyal soldiers.
- What should be done for those who avoid responsibility?
This is a difficult issue, but the following approach can be followed. If you allow them to create and define the responsibility they will be given and caress their narcissistic side, you can turn them into loyal soldiers. Among the golden questions you can ask these types of people: “What do you think we should do here?” Expressions such as “I need your advice on something” or even exaggerated “ Without you, I can't handle this ” may be included.
Another role problem in marriages is kitchen duties. . As we mentioned in the previous paragraph, since both sides are working, the meal to be made upon returning home in the evening can sometimes lead to a major crisis. Especially newly married individuals want to sit at a ready table in their new home because they encounter a ready-made table and wonderful mother's meals when they come home until that age. In this case, a manager is really needed. There should still be a division of labor in this regard, but someone who is experienced in the kitchen should tell an inexperienced person what to do and facilitate the division of labor. There may be a little more workload on the knowledgeable side, but over time, as the other staff member he trains becomes more knowledgeable, he will begin to take responsibility and start doing more work.
So far, we have made a simple work distribution. From now on, we will take a look at the roles of husband and wife, which remain behind the scenes but form the pillars of family dynamics. After a nice period of dating, you decided to get married and had your wedding. You ate and drank. You had fun. And on top of that, you blew the honeymoon. Don't waste your fun. The honeymoon is over. You returned to your home. Vacation is over. I� Things have begun.
- What will happen now? What will happen? It was you who made the decision. What will happen now?" you ask?
You received a gift from the marriage institution. You immediately started examining the two jackets. Two brand new jackets. After some confusion, you decided to try it on yourself. Then you realized that they were a little too big for you. One of the couples immediately came up with a genius idea. “I think we tried it wrong. Come try mine and I'll try yours. No, that didn't happen either. Well, what should we do, should we take it to the tailor? Actually, should we wait a bit? Maybe we'll grow a little. This jacket looks like it will fit you next year. I wonder what the brand is? Then you realize that the one for women has the "wife" brand, and the one for men has the "husband" brand. Now you realize that these are your new roles. You had jackets when you were lovers. Both had the same brand “beloved”. Now you have new jackets. The reason why these jackets are too big for you is not because you are going to grow up, but because there is room left so that you can sew your “beloved” jackets inside instead of putting them in your dusty closets and forgetting about them. What a thoughtful institution it is. You'll be wearing several jackets in your relationship. Each stage will represent one jacket. There will be jackets for lovers, husband-wife, mother-father, grandfather-grandmother. If you put the old ones in the closet every time you move to the next level, you will abandon the basic dynamic of your relationship. This may push you to distance yourself from each other. In order to keep the passion, love and romance in your relationship alive, you should always take advantage of the dating time of your relationship.
- So what are these husband and wife roles? What are their responsibilities? What do they do?
The answers to these can be explained with the information you bring from the past. Now, while reading this article, try to observe yourself within your marriage. Are you just like your mother or father in marriage? I wonder why? Because you learned these roles from them and shaped them according to your own relationship dynamics and your own character. As we mentioned in the previous paragraphs, we should distribute the routine tasks of the house equally and balance the responsibilities of the house. If you arrange it well, you can easily fulfill the roles of "husband and wife" using the knowledge you have already brought from the past. Just set your boundaries and create a third space to live your relationship. In other words, let the equal share in your relationship be “I-YOU-WE”. The rest will develop on its own. Let's be alone while nourishing the "I" and "You" parts. When nurturing the "we" part, being together is enough. Also, never wear each other's jackets, even if you have them for trial purposes or if your own jacket is worn out, as you did in the beginning. Congratulations on your new jackets. Don't forget to get their beloved jackets patched inside. You will need it a lot while nourishing the "WE" part.
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