Just as there cannot be a completely deserted man, there is no one who is isolated by wanting pleasure. Humans need human voices, smells and textures. Even if the minds of those who think they are not in need are sound, their souls are probably in an unresolved mourning from their first relationships.
“What we call me; It consists of the debris of the things we have already had to lose.”
İskender Savaşar
From the moment we are born, our whole life passes with reunions and separations. Once the baby is born, he needs someone else to continue his life. In order for this relationship to be unconditional and unconditional in favor of the baby, it must be protected, cared for and nurtured. This is what often happens: The quality of the mother-child relationship is disproportionately strong until a certain period. The tale does not last long and others begin to appear in the magical forest. Others sometimes create curiosity, sometimes envy, and sometimes disappointment.
But another is necessary. To see what you deserve, who you are and what you are capable of. The human being is relational, and perhaps this is one of the most important characteristics that define him. Just as there cannot be a man who is completely desolate, there is no one who is isolated by wanting pleasure. Humans need human voices, smells and textures. Even if those who think they are not in need are sane, their souls are probably in an unresolved mourning from their first relationships.
Relationality is older than human history. Because establishing relationships in one way or another is not unique to homo sapiens. There are dynamics of relationships that differ over the ages. These differentiations emerge with greater acceleration in recent human history. Since the beginning of the twentieth century, family, spouse-friend, colleague, lover and spouse relationships have been constantly changing. Bonds and boundaries are stretching and contracting. For example, the ties we take into our lives by choice become more important than the ties we are born into. On the other hand, an individualism comes to the fore in a way that is not seen in more collective cultures. A person who pays close attention to his individuality, uniqueness, demands and limits can prefer a serious distance in relationships and become desolate. With another approach, he cannot establish safe bonds with people, becomes avoidant, and plays illegally. It is arguable that such a relationship may be a matter of preference. It is done. Because we know that this attachment style comes from our first relationship, the maternal bond. Therefore, the relationships we establish with friends or lovers do not suddenly enter our repertoire; they can evolve and continue until the end of our lives. This process is painful, of course. We find relationships, get carried away, swallow them, and then get swallowed up in another relationship. In short, our situation in the relationship depends not only on the dynamics within ourselves but also on the reflection of the other and its reflection on us. If there is a relationship between two people, those two people also have a relationship with the relationship between them. A difficult equation...
A new phenomenon has begun to be talked about for dating relationships in this period. A person you have met maybe once or twice disappears without an explanation. Its name is called "Ghosting", in fact the word comes from the word ghost, which means ghost, but as far as I see, it does not only mean ghosting/being a ghost, but also "leaving a shadow". The truth is that its use in both senses means a lot. If the ghost were a metaphor, it would very well point to the painful rupture that occurs after the loss of the relationships we experience. At the same time, the shadow would describe very well the lost ones whose shadow casts its shadow even if he himself is gone. Imagine that for some reason you come across someone. You bring your time, your attention, your emotions, your mind to the table. As Edip Canseverin said, maybe he put on the table "What was going on in his mind, What he wanted to do in life, That's what he put." The duration of this relationship may sometimes not be very important. I've seen ghost lovers start and stop with lightning speed in a matter of weeks. Because even if the ghost itself leaves, its shadow remains in the life of the person who sets the table. The picture of the person you talked to via video with good night wishes the very night is, in fashionable terms, 'gone'. What can replace what you found late and lost early? The abandoned one returns to himself, questions, and gets angry for a while. Then, fortunately, anger and rebellion begin. Laments are sung for those who left and curses are thrown in the air. To repeat a frequently said saying: Every breakup is a repetition of the first breakup.
We do not enter into relationships unburdened. The sack on our backs carries the burden of all love or friendship relationships. Friendships made in early childhood and early adolescence can therefore be unique. tiring. For experiencing everything about relationship together. It is often said that friendships in adulthood do not replace old ones. It doesn't always have to be this way. In fact, relationships in adulthood are with people we choose more consciously. At this point, the difference may be this: The pure, unexpected, unconditional texture of first friendships is a bit reminiscent of a mother's embrace. But every relationship, old or new, is also a bond with life. It is vitality, endurance against life. The same can be said for our personal relationships. There is a loneliness that is spreading like an epidemic in this age. There is a well-educated and professional segment of people, especially those living in big cities, who do not know to whom and how to invest the little energy they have left from the tiredness of the struggle until they can stand up and walk on their own. Sexually focused relationships, mostly for one or a few nights, are easier for these people. Whether it is a man or a woman, there is a situation of not being able to keep up with relationships. The phrase “there is a connection problem” is now widely used. Indeed, it is not easy to bring these people, who are afraid of deepening relationships, into a safe space. Because they have serious fears about trust, unrequitedness, sharing and dedication. In short, relationships are experienced with fatigue and fear. As much as possible…
Depth in relationships is not easily achieved. Mere contact with people does not calm the tremors in the soul. It is not said for nothing that there are at least two people in every relationship. It was probably said to mean ghosts and shadows. What can be done is to clean up the dirt of the fires that preceded each relationship, to be able to get into the flow of the relationship, to put what is in your pocket on the table, and to continue to believe in people and humanity. I believe there is a therapeutic relationship for everyone. After every disappointment we experience, there is someone who embraces us from the places where we are broken. We need to be open to friendship, depth, love... We need this to remain human in this age.
Read: 0
