Man: “I was very surprised to see how different my wife and I were. For example, I like to get up early, and he likes to stay up late. I also don't understand why his mood keeps changing. Also, when I try to cook, my wife criticizes everything I do, and she gets very angry, especially when I wipe my hands on the cloth we used to dry the dishes.”
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Woman: “You can take words out of my husband's mouth with pliers. However, I grew up in a very different family. We love to talk, especially at the table. Also, when my husband cooks, he uses the same cloth to both dry the dishes and wipe his hands. This infuriates me! Why is it so difficult to understand men? I wonder how people manage to stay married.”
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Signatures signed and words spoken in the presence of everyone who witnessed your love that is expected to last a lifetime... After the days when everything was going great, What happens when couples cannot manage moments of crisis and come to the point of divorce? The person whose face you once couldn't bear to look at turns into the person whose face you don't even like to see.
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During the dating period, couples have not yet taken on responsibilities. They live an independent life with their families or in their own homes, within the limits of their own rules. However, with marriage, responsibilities and expectations will change with a new family institution. Because it is not easy for two different people who grew up in two different families to share the same house, create a common living space and meet at a common point.
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People's habits, lifestyles and perhaps cultures may differ from each other. People want to bring and apply their own ideas, lifestyles and the life model they see in their own families to new living spaces. Thus, the person does not experience a feeling of emptiness within himself. In a newly established family, couples may struggle while trying to maintain their habits and adapt to a new structure. For this reason, the first years of marriage are called "critical years". While couples are very happy, romantic and peaceful, they may experience problems in their marriage. They should know. Because conflicts are as likely to occur as happy moments in relationships.
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In the later stages of the marriage process, couples encounter obstacles and problems. Couples who have achieved expertise master crisis management. Even though there were minor mistakes, explosions; Resentments are resolved without resorting to silence. However, unhealthy family profiles that cannot manage crises cannot prevent their relationships from ending. As the main reason for the end of marriage in unhealthy
family structures; As it has been determined as a result of many studies, the decision to end the relationship is generally not based on the end of love between the couple, but on the couple's lack of problem solving, discussion and conflict resolution skills. In unhealthy families, improving the problem-solving and communication skills of the couple prevents unnecessary resentments between them. Thus, it helps to preserve the love and communication between them and to transition to a healthy family structure.
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In fact, divorce is not due to the end of love; It is the existence of an unhealthy family structure in the relationship. Perhaps because couples cannot see that their family structure is unhealthy; They put the blame on the feelings lost after marriage and the feeling of love that cannot evolve. In a healthy family structure, the feeling of love is replaced by feelings with deeper meaning over time, due to the relationship and the care that couples show to each other. The transformation of love into an emotion with deeper meanings is the strengthening of the bond of love. Love is more valuable than the feeling of love. It is in the hands of couples to glorify love during the marriage process, where love turns into love.
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Sharing the roles and responsibilities in marriage, not engaging in a power struggle by embracing the newly established family, and couples showing the necessary care for each other, will increase the feeling of love in their marriage. Over time, the negative state of uneasiness caused by its disappearance will disappear.
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