Death is a difficult concept to understand for individuals of all ages. It creates great despair and arouses intense emotions in those left behind. A person develops grief reactions when he loses a loved one or witnesses the death of a relative.
According to Kübler-Ross, the reactions that an individual develops when he experiences a loss through death are divided into two: 'healthy reactions' and 'unhealthy reactions'. Healthy responses include denial and isolation, intense anger and resentment, bargaining, depression, acceptance and hope. These grief reactions may not follow a certain order and may be experienced at different times by each individual (Yıldız, 2004).
Just as the grief reactions of adults differ from each other, the way children experience grief is different from that of adults (Kıvılcım and Gümüş Doğan, 2014).
The loss of a loved one or parent is one of the most devastating life events, especially for children and adolescents (Bowlby, 2008). For children, parents are a safe haven and role models from which they can learn about life. When the child loses his parent, whom he believes will protect, look after and always support him, this causes the balance in his life to be disrupted.
How children will react to death; The child's age, personality traits and relationship level with the deceased relative are effective. At first they deny the death that has occurred, then they experience anger and object to the situation due to the confusion of emotions caused by the loss. They begin to display blame, aggression, and various adaptation and behavioral problems (Yavuzer, 2003). Grief reactions in children are observed in physical and behavioral areas rather than verbal expressions (Kıvılcım and Gümüş Doğan, 2014).
In general, the first grief reactions are shock and disbelief, fear and objection, numbness and continuing with daily life. This sequence follows a path compatible with children's developmental periods. It should be taken into consideration that grief reactions vary significantly in intensity and duration in each child and do not follow a fixed path. Their grief reactions are fluctuating, they may exhibit calmer behavior after a tantrum (Waldinger, Vaillant, Orav, 2007; cited by Kıvılcım and G� �muş Doğan, 2014).
So what should parents pay attention to when explaining the death of a parent or relative to children?
1. First, the truth about death should be told to the child without delay. An explanation that takes into account the child's developmental period will help the child make sense of the grief reactions shown by his/her relatives.
2. When explaining the truth, the word 'death' should be used and the cause of death should be explained correctly. Terms such as 'He went away', 'He went on a trip', 'He is asleep', which are generally used to protect the child, will cause the child to be confused and expect the deceased to return one day. By using more concrete concepts, 'He will no longer be with us, we will not be able to touch him. An explanation can be made as follows: 'He will never be able to come to us again, but we can continue to love him.'
3. The adult should not hesitate to experience the pain of loss in the presence of the child, and should share his feelings with the child as much as possible. In this way, the child can react more easily to death.
4. When conveying the cause of death to the child, care should be taken not to make any association with age or disease. Explanations such as 'He died because he was too old', 'He died because he was sick, he is no longer among us' may arouse thoughts in the child that he will lose his surviving parent/relative when he gets old, or that everyone who is sick will die.
5. When the child is ready to talk about death, adults should be sensitive to the child's desire for communication. Simple and consistent answers should be given to the questions asked. It is important that the answers are appropriate to the age of the child. For example, a child who asks what death is can be explained as a situation in which things that were done while alive cannot be done anymore.
6. Parents should not force the child to talk about death. As we just mentioned, there are transitions in children's grief reactions. It is of course important for the child to reveal his/her emotions, but these experiences should not be forced, the child should be given the opportunity to experience his/her emotions as he/she wishes. takes it.
7. The child should not be kept away from the mourning environment and rituals that occur after the loss. This may cause feelings of guilt and depression-prone behavior in later years.
8. The surviving parent or loved ones should communicate openly with the child and provide social support. The child should talk about the deceased, visit his grave, and look at his pictures.
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