Confidence, in its shortest definition, is the state of feeling safe in one's social relationships. Feeling safe is one of the basic needs of every human being. Lack of this feeling affects the person negatively in many ways. The problem of trust, which has become quite common today, challenges people both psychologically and in the context of social relationships. Trust is actually threefold: trusting oneself, trusting others, and being trustworthy. Although the three aspects may seem different from each other, they are actually closely interconnected. In order for a person to feel good spiritually, he must remain in balance with three aspects of trust. It is known that these people can better cope with the problems encountered in daily life.
People who have problems with trust often feel lonely. They find it very difficult to maintain any relationship. People who do not trust people may have problems with self-confidence in their inner world and may have trouble being at peace with themselves. (lack of self-confidence). It is known that people who have problems trusting people have a negative perspective on life.
All these situations cause people to experience frequent problems in daily life.
Characteristics of People with Trust Problems:
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They think that people can hurt them or Feeling like someone will use them
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Suspicion that loved ones will betray them
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Compulsion to keep oneself safe and alert
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Frequently testing and controlling the people around him/her
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Having difficulty in entering into close relationships due to fear of being hurt
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Feeling anger towards people who cannot give you the feeling of trust
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Not being able to share a secret about yourself or feeling bad after sharing
Each item listed above exposes the person to intense stress.
Why Can't I Trust People?
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Experiencing sexual, physical and verbal abuse in childhood damages the sense of trust. For this reason, individuals who were abused in their childhood have problems in trusting others.
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Problems of trust may also arise in people who were exposed to a lot of criticism, humiliation and ridicule in their childhood.
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If a person has experienced a trust problem, especially with his family, his sense of trust has been shaken to its core. This situation causes the person to continue to have problems with trust in his own life. For example, someone in your family may have made a promise and not kept it, or you may have been lied to frequently in your childhood.
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The child may be punished or frequently exposed to retaliation if he does not do what is requested, which may lead to problems with trust in the future. It can cause him to turn into an adult.
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A child who is too protected by his family may also have problems with trust in adulthood. For example, frequently telling your child that friends should not be trusted, or explaining that the outside world is not trustworthy.
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It is known that people who were called hurtful names by their environment as a child also have problems with trust.
How Can I Overcome This Situation?
Trust problems are especially common in individuals who have been sexually or physically abused. It is strongly recommended that these people receive psychotherapy. It is very difficult for people who have been sexually or physically abused to overcome these traumas alone. A safe relationship with the therapist will help the person overcome the trust problem he/she has experienced.
In what situations did the person experience insecurity in his childhood? Asking these questions, going back to those memories, and re-experiencing those memories will help the person understand himself better. This exercise is very difficult to do because remembering is painful. When pain is experienced, healing begins. This work can be done with a therapist or someone you trust. One of the first steps to overcoming the trust problem is to implement this work.
Being angry at people who cause a person to have trust issues is healing. For example, your mother told you that meeting with your friends is always dangerous, and you started to have trust problems. The anger caused by this situation must be vented. Expressing this anger does not have to be direct towards the mother. For example, write a letter to your mother and express your anger, but do not send it. You can do the same work to people who abuse you physically, verbally or sexually. Whether the letter is sent or not, it heals the person. This is because writing a letter shows that one perceives the truth. It is important for the validity of the person. You can write to the person to whom you are writing the letter, how wrong what they did in the past was and how it affected you greatly. Finally, write down the situation you really need in the letter. For example, you can say to your mother in the letter, "I needed you to let me see my friends more."
While studying the memories, it is healing to change the memories and feelings there in your mind. For example, when you were being abused, you felt alone and helpless. You can imagine in your mind that you are strong enough to fight the person who abuses you, and change your feelings from helplessness to strength.
Try to stay away from people who made you feel bad in your childhood and who also make you feel bad in your daily life. Also try to communicate less. According to research, clients showed better progress in sessions when they cut off communication with people who harassed them. If these people are close to you and with whom you cannot cut off contact, such as relatives, then it is recommended to temporarily cut off communication.
People who have trust problems develop self-blaming behavior in the face of negative situations such as being exposed to criticism or abuse. If you have a tendency to blame yourself frequently, try to change it.
Healthy relationships are always healing. That's why you have people around you who don't criticize you, don't blame you, and don't often make you feel bad. Experience spending more time and being in close relationships with people who don't.
Try to trust people who will not abuse your trust. For example, share a not-so-big secret of yours.
Try to choose partners who especially respect your rights and do not want to hurt you.
Finally,
Overcoming and changing the trust problem is a very challenging process for the person. . The reason for this is that people who have trust problems are likely to be shaken to their core. People often have difficulty coping with these feelings alone. Trust problems can cause a person to spend his or her life unhappily. For this reason, psychotherapy is recommended for people who have trust problems. The therapist provides a safe environment for the client. A therapeutic relationship may be the best place for people with trust issues to start. A person learns to trust in a safe place. For this reason, receiving psychotherapy is very useful in this sense.
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