No snowflake in an avalanche holds itself responsible for what happens.
“Ali is a 9-year-old third grade student. He has a cousin who is a computer engineer. When they are with him, his cousin tells him a lot about his profession and where he works. Ali also wants to be a computer engineer, but he has a small problem; His grades this term are not very good. Although he is supposed to do his homework and bring it to school the next day, he does not do it. He forgets which book he should bring home from school. Sometimes he does his homework but forgets to put it in his bag. Even if he puts it in his bag, he may forget to give it to the teacher. In short, Ali does not take enough responsibility for his homework.”
What goes through your mind when you encounter this and other similar situations every day? If your child neglects to fulfill his responsibilities even though you have reached an agreement and you bring his homework to school instead, it means that the issue of responsibility needs to be emphasized.
DEVELOPMENT OF THE SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY IN CHILDREN
Responsibility;
1) Following the rules,
2) Enduring the consequences of preferences or choices,
3) Respecting other people and their rights,
.
Although there may be individual differences, every process aimed at gaining responsibility has “fundamental” and “unchangeable” elements. These;
- Informing: In order for the desired change in the child's behavior to occur, the child must be informed about this change. It is important to give information about the reasons so that he/she can see this change as a need.
Why the rules are made and the importance of responsibility should be explained. If children know why they have to do certain tasks, they will learn when they need to help their families and when they can act independently.
- Follow-up: After the information, the child's actions are taken into consideration. He needs to be given some time to show the behavior. As a result of the follow-up during this period, attention should be paid to whether responsible behavior occurred, when it occurred, and at what times the behavior was/was not performed.
- Feedback: It is necessary to inform about the progress after a certain period of time. If there is an increase in the number of desired responsible behaviors, it should be motivated with appropriate reinforcements. If there are problems in the emergence of the expected responsible behavior, these problems and their possible reasons should be shared with the child.
- Reminder: If the desired behavior does not occur, the reminder process should be repeated. This process, which starts with re-information, should continue until the behavior settles.
These elements described above do not only belong to the process of gaining responsibility; These are the elements that must be included in establishing basic habits, determining rules, in short, in all kinds of measures that will organize our lives, and behavior can only be established when approached with a determined and patient attitude.
The development of responsibility varies from child to child. However, when we evaluate it in terms of general developmental characteristics, knowing the responsibilities that children can fulfill at home can help us adjust our expectations. Motivation should not be forgotten when teaching children responsibilities. It will be easier to teach them responsibilities regarding behaviors that are enjoyable to do and that create a pleasant and praiseworthy situation as a result. For example, helping to set the table is more fun than helping to clean and put it away.
Accordingly;
6 years old;
- Dressing and undressing alone,
- Eating alone at the table,
- Ability to pick up toys,
- folding clothes with help,
- Cleaning hands and face,
7 years old; (in addition to the above)
- Preparing his bag,
- Finishing the job he started,
- Feeding animals such as birds and fish,
- Preparing projects and homework,
- Brushing his teeth,
8 years old; (in addition to the above)
- Performing self-care and tidying up one's room without reminding,
- Ability to convey messages from the school si,
- Ability to take responsibilities regarding lessons,
Between the ages of 9-11; (in addition to the above)
- . Being able to determine his interests, planning time and making daily programs,
- .Using his time well,
- .Going to places close to home,
- Establishing good relationships with friends,
- Shopping.
Although the sense of responsibility is considered a necessary skill to perform certain tasks. In fact, it is about the individual developing his own skills and being aware of the consequences of his actions. There is a very strong relationship between the sense of responsibility and the development of self-confidence. The child's dependence on his parents or other adults gradually decreases as he gains the ability to meet his own needs on his own. As the child experiences the consequences of his actions and uses his developing skills, his self-confidence increases. Children who are not given the opportunity to use and develop their skills will have a limited sense of competence and self-confidence.
When and How Should Children Be Taught Responsibility?
The first steps are difficult, but as children realize that they can meet their needs on their own, their self-confidence will increase.
In fact, the answer to this question is hidden in their developmental period. As a parent, give your child the opportunity to achieve everything he can on his own. Skills improve with use. Continuing to feed a child who can eat can harm both his development of skills and his sense of competence. Because just as we enjoy seeing ourselves achieve something, the same feeling of enjoyment also applies to children. As parents, it is important to support them in experiencing this joy.
Another role that falls to parents in gaining responsibilities is to be individuals who exhibit the desired behaviors. Children have very good observation skills. It is an effective method for parents to model the behaviors they want to teach their children. If parents forcefully, reluctantly or neglect their daily life responsibilities, responsibilities can be avoided for the child. It will mean the situations that need to be met.
Children learn by “living and doing”. Therefore, one of the most effective methods in developing a sense of responsibility is to give the child the opportunity to experience the consequences of his behavior. Parents generally try to make life easier for their children with the instinct of protecting them from negativities. Although all of these seem to protect the child from negative consequences in the short term, unfortunately, they carry the risk of negatively affecting personality development and self-confidence in the long term. If someone did your work for you every day, would you make an effort to do your job? Naturally, children do not need to develop the skills supported by their parents, or rather, they do not seem to feel it, but one day, when their parents reduce their support, they will experience great difficulties. Because it is necessary to spend much more effort to acquire skills that are not developed in time. Every new skill begins with clumsy attempts. Therefore, children need time and parents' patience while learning responsibilities. It is normal for him to spill his food when he starts eating on his own, or for him to drop the glass while carrying it. In such cases, parents being critical, giving feedback such as "let them spill it, you can't do it" or doing it themselves because they want faster results may prevent the acquisition of responsibilities.
RECOMMENDATIONS...
Positive feedback: Positive feedback is needed for every new behavior to be learned and repeated, and for it to be reinforced and become a habit. Parental attention and approval are key to learning desired behaviors. Children do not always receive support from positive attention; sometimes they behave in a way that their parents are angry with and disapprove of, or by receiving negative attention, they exhibit an unwanted behavior. This is where it becomes important to tell children what they should do, rather than what they should not do. Going negative can unintentionally reinforce negative behavior. However, it would be more productive to notice the behaviors that we think are good, right and necessary and to use the energy to praise them. Children want their parents' attention and approval. Focusing on positive behavior, focusing on positive behavior Giving relevant feedback is the most effective way to improve the desired behavior. If you show interest in your child when he plays with him calmly instead of getting angry when he makes his sibling cry, you will show interest in the desired behavior. This, of course, does not mean allowing negative behavior. You only need to support and reinforce the behavior we want to develop.
Dividing the whole into parts: Whatever the behavior you want to teach your child, start from the simplest step possible. Even an adult may fall into despair when entering a messy room, not knowing where to start. If you want your child to tidy his or her room, first stage the tasks. The first step may be to place the toys in their boxes, the second step may be to separate dirty and clean laundry, placing the dirty clothes in the dirty basket and the clean clothes where they belong.
Giving a chance to choose: Children have a say in their own lives. If you enable them to be
, you will help them take responsibility for the decisions they make and develop their self-confidence. It is important for them to gain the ability to choose what is suitable for them. In addition, when they have a chance to choose between alternatives, they are more likely to adopt and implement the decision. Of course, the alternatives to choose from can be determined and limited by the parents.
Let everything have a place: Knowing that every item in the house has a certain place can help children keep the environment tidy. Knowing what is where gives strength to the child. A tidy home environment is effective in helping the child learn to be organized. But more importantly, the child should also have a role in ensuring this order. Children should also have responsibilities in daily life tasks such as throwing their dirty trousers into the dirty basket, putting the magazine they are reading in the newspaper holder, putting the juice bottle back in the refrigerator.
Modelling: As in many behaviors, responsibility Exemplary behavior of adults is important in the process of raising awareness. Adults paying due attention to their own responsibilities attracts children's attention and helps them learn better by observing their attitudes.
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